Scream 2 (1997)


Starring

PLOT:  Two years after the first series of murders, a new psychopath dons the Ghostface costume and a new string of killings begins.


It's been two years since Woodsboro Massacre. Now, the event, as depicted in Gale Weathers' best selling book, have been made into a movie, known as Stab. That seems in poor taste, but such is life. The first people we meet are Omar Epps and Jada Pinkett, and, to make sure you know they're black, Jada has this to say: "It's a dumbass white movie, about some dumbass white girls, getting they dumb white asses cut the fuck up." This is a special screening of Stab, and the studio has given out Ghostface costumes and fake knives to everyone. What could go wrong? So now, we're watching a movie called Scream 2 where the cast is watching a fictionalized movie of Scream 1. Wes, you son of a bitch. "Bitch, hang up the phone and *69 his ass. Damn!" Jada is scared and goes to the concessions. As the opening to the first movie is redone with Heather Graham as Drew Barrymore, Omar goes to the pisser, where he thinks he hears a dude jerking off in the stall next to him, so he PUTS HIS FACE AGAINST THE STALL WALL. Wtf. Disgusting. He deserved to get stabbed in the brain for that shit alone. Oh wait, after Jada had discussed the lack of black representation in horror movies, the black dude dies first. Lmao. Also, they have Jada constantly yelling shit at the screen, playing up another stereotype that I can't tell if it is supposed to be a meta joke or not. The killer comes back and stabs Jada while Heather is getting killed on screen. Not only stabbed, but repeatedly stabbed and slashed in front of everyone, and no one seems to notice, because they're too busy cheering on the violence on screen. GET IT?!?! IT'S CALLED META COMMENTARY, YOU DUMBSHITS.


CUT TO: Sydney getting a phone call. She has caller ID so knows it's a prank. No worries. Cotton Weary is now doing the media rounds now that he's been exonerated for the killing of Sydney's mom. Due to the movie and the new killings, Sydney is being hounded by the media. She has to find Randy.

TO FILM THEORY CLASS: "You could say that what happened in that theater is a direct result of the movie itself. "That is so Moral Majority. You can't blame real life violence on entertainment." This cast is tremendous. Pacey Whitaker, Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Timothy Olyphant, and of course the returning Randy Meeks. "Are you suggesting that someone is trying to make a real life sequel?" Lol, this is already absurd with the meta shit. It's 16 minutes in. "Who would want to do that? Sequels suck." This, of course, leads to a discussion on sequels that were better than their originals, naming T2, Aliens, House 2, The Godfather Part 2. Double the references while making a commentary about their own movie. IT'S CALLED META COMMENTARY, YOU DUMB DUMBS. 

Gale is back, on the scene of the murders, way too excited for the publicity this is causing for the movie, considering what she went through in the first movie. Check out the mean girls from the sorority being bitchy bitches. You know who else is in town? DEWEY! He comes to check on her because he's worried about her, then tells her that if the killer has something to do with her, it's likely someone she already knows. Wtf. Way to be reassuring, dickhead. WTF Gale, ambushing Sydney with fucking COTTON WEARY. What a cunt. Wow. After what they went through in the first movie. Jesus fuck. She absolutely deserved the bitch slap she got. Dewey confronts her and is HOT about his characterization in her book. "How do you know that my dimwitted inexperience isn't a subtle form of manipulation used to lower people's expectations, thereby enhancing my ability to effectively maneuver within any given situation?" That's a good question, Dwight. Also, lol. 


About a half hour in, here comes the big party. I WONDER WHAT WILL HAPPEN. Buffy gets a call at the sorority house, as she's the sober sister. She must like scary movies, because she's watching Nosferatu. Totally regular thing for a super hot college girl to be watching a silent German expressionist horror film from 1922. Happens all the time. Buffy essentially gets the redux of the Drew Barrymore scene from the original, which we already saw a remade version of. Whoever this new Ghostface is, he's very violent. Chucked her ass through a glass door, stabbed her a few times, then threw her ass off the balcony. CZFNW. At least Gale is taking this situation a little more seriously, now.

OH SHIT, GHOSTFACE IS ATTACKING SYDNEY! OUTTA NOWHERE! LMAO this clumsy fuck, falling over everything. What a shitty killer. Reminds me of Jason in F13th 2 falling off chairs and breaking his pitch fork because he's abig oaf. Sydney's boyfriend goes after him, only to apparently get cut very deeply in the arm. Idk brehs, I saw a dude get stabbed in the first movie like that and he ended up being the killer. His best bro seems awfully suspect as well. Dewey seems to share my thoughts. I'm basically a WCW Champion.

Gale puts it together that all the names of the deceased match up with previous victims. Looks like we got us a seq....copy-cat. And now the boyfriend gets pissy and brings up a trust thing. Look more suspicious, breh. Making a big scene singing I Think I Love you in the fucking cafeteria will certainly assuage her trust issues. If I was making this movie, I would have had a knife go flying through his chest while he was singing. But I didn't write this, and instead, he got a standing ovation. 


Now, Tori Selling, who would go on to be in Scary Movie movies plays Sydney in Stab, . David Schwimmer played Dewey. Lmao, Luke Wilson played Billy. Randy goes over the rules of horror sequels with Dewey:

  1. The body count is always bigger
  2. The death scenes are always much more elaborate; more blood, more gore
  3. If you want your sequel to become a franchise, never ever....and he's cut off. SWERVE!

He and Dewey go over the list of people who might be suspects, trying to avoid a situation that would make either of them suspects. This scene also features a pretty harsh critique of the news media OUTTA NOWHERE. "That's what reporters do, Dewey. They stage the news." 

Oh, btw, Sydney had become an actor, but now she wants to call off her big play. On account of all the murders and stuff. Her professor convinces her to not drop the play. She'll be playing Cassandra, which is pretty on the nose. "You're good." "There's no understudy. I'm desperate." Lol. Can you believe that Ghostface got into costume (plus his GHOSTFACE MASK LOL) to try to kill Sydney? But, SWERVE, she was just hallucinating. OR WAS SHE?!?!? Her boyfriend shows up right after. Not suspicious at all. Or IS IT?!?!  

Gale, Randy, and Dewey also have this chat about suspects. Gale's new cameraman is NOT enthused with the idea he might get killed. "What's your favorite scary movie?" "Showgirls. Absolutely frightening." Randy being on the phone means he gets to list off a bunch of horror movies while the three of them look for anyone with a cell phone. "Why are you even here, Randy? You'll never be the leading man." "....FUUUUUUCK YOUUUUU." Lmao, that delivery. "You wanna be one of the big boys, huh? Manson, Bundy, OJ?" NOOOOOO HE GOT RANDY! FUCK. FUUUUUUUUUUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU! Killed him in the news van. Is it Gale's new camera man? FUUUUUUUUCK YOUUUUUU!


Cotton shows up at the library, apparently stalking Sydney. Diane Sawyer wants them to do a joint interview. Idk, Cotton seems very sus. Cornering Sydney and being a fucking weirdo is not helping his case. He gets arrested immediately since Sydney has two security guards on her at all times. And he's being a real cunt about it. Although, tbh, he spent time in prison while being an innocent man, so I can understand his attitude. "Gale, you were so instrumental in my freedom. You're not having character doubts now, are you?" What a needlessly suspicious thing to say, Cotton. Also, who the fuck names their kid Cotton? 

Dewey and Gale head to a god damn theater room to go through footage that might have the killer on it. It's here where their tension becomes...sexual. Just as Dewey was getting a hold of those titties, footage from the various murders starts playing. And then live footage of Dewey and Gale in the room. OH SHIT. Ghostface in the house, mother fuckers. NO, HE GOT DEWEY. FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUU!  

Shortly after, the bodyguards get killed. Y'all ain't shit. Sydney's black BFF also gets killed. Mind you, she was mentioned as a suspect earlier in the movie specifically because she's black and a woman, which would make her the perfect suspect by being so unusual. ICU, Wes. Gale runs into Cotton, who is covered in blood, claiming he found Dewey. Sydney goes to her stage and finds her boyfriend tied up, so I guess it isn't him. Instead, Ghostface reveals himself to be that dude's best friend, who has been the most suspicious dude from the start. He implies that the boyfriend is his partner. As we all know, history repeats itself. Syd doesn't know who to trust and won't let her boyfriend down. And then the BFF shoots him. SWERVE! You see, Mickey WANTS to get caught, and his plan is to claim the movies caused him to do it. It's never been done before! The second killer reveals himself to be...BILLY's MOTHER. Who happens to be a reporter fucking with Gale all movie long.  SWERVE! Fucking Aunt Jackie is the second killer. Lmao. And then she kills Mickey. DOUBLE SWERVE! Gail gets caught in the crossfire, gets shot AGAIN, and takes a hell of a bump. Aunt Jackie's big plan was just revenge. Syd killed her baby boy! And she used Mickey as the scapegoat. Cotton shows back up OUTTA NOWHERE, and ends up saving Sydney. Because she agreed to the Diane Sawyer interview. Looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool. 

"Is she dead?" "I don't know, they always come back". CUE MICKEY jumping back up, screaming like an asshole, and getting double gunned into oblivion. Sydney also did a headshot on Aunt Jackie. Just incase. 

Dewey lived! The press ambushes Sydney, who tells them that Cotton is the real hero. The last line of the movie: "Well, I'll tell you one thing. It'll make a helluva movie."  IT'S META CALLED COMMENTARY, YOU FRICKS.


Take everything that made the first movie great and make it obnoxious as hell in the first 20 minutes, then just do a straight up slasher movie without the irony. Maybe that IS the ironic part. What made the first one so special is that it paid tribute to the classics in order to re-establish the rules and make the slasher genre viable again.  The sequel comes around and instead of paying tribute to the classics, it pays tribute to ITSELF. It's no longer a witty, fresh take on a tired genre; it's just a cheap cash in and rehashing of the first movie. But isn't that what sequels usually are in the end? 

 

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