WWF Summerslam 1992
For the first time, a WWF PPV emanates from outside of North America, coming from Jolly Old England and Wembley Stadium. It's also brought to you by ICOPRO, which is even better. Also I know they did some UK exclusive before this, so shut the fuck up. If it wasn't for American audiences, it doesn't count. USA USA USA! Bobby Heenan and Vince McMahon will call the show.
Money Inc. vs Legion of Doom
This aisle is long as fuck. I think bringing the carts over to the UK might have been worth it. IRS claims the Brits aren't paying enough taxes, therefore putting a burden on the Royal Family. LOD come out on motorcycles, and at least this time, they're actually driving them instead of riding bitch like in WCW. Ted is wearing all white gear for the event, even his money tux. Man, I never realized how big Ted was. He's taller and wider than Hawk, who was a big fucking dude. Also, this all white gear is not particularly flattering to Ted's ever softening and expanding torso. Wait a minute, I think IRS is also taller and wider than Hawk. What the heck? Hawk, who already was already taking too much offense tbh, misses a flying lariat, rolling all the way to the floor, then settling into the FIP. Who the fuck wants to see Hawk get dominated by IRS and flabby and sick Ted DiBiase? Once Animal gets tagged in, he pins Ted with a powerslam, because the UK doesn't deserve the Doomsday Device.
TO THE MEAN BY GOD GENE. Ric was pissed that he wasn't given a rematch against Macho at Summerslam, with Ultimate Warrior instead getting the title shot. Despite not being booked on the show, Ric is in his ring gear and robe, because he's always ready for action. HE MEANS FUCKING BROADS. Mr. Perfect will be in the corner of either Warrior or Savage, but Flair won't tell Gene who.
TO THE MOON. Sean talks to Virgil about his upcoming match with NAILZ. Virgil is 2LEGIT2QUIT.
Virgil vs Nailz
No one on earth asked for this. This is so bad, and Virgil isn't even the worst guy in the ring. Nailz won with a sleeper that was CLEARLY an illegal choke. After the match, he beat on Virgil with the Big Boss Man's nightstick.
TO THE LORD. Al tries to get some words with the Macho Man, who will not open his locker room door.
TO THE MEAN GENE. Gene is with Sherri. WHOSE SIDE IS SHE ON?!?!
Rick Martel vs Shawn Michaels
What a wonderful stipulation for two pretty boy heels: No hitting in the face. Lmao. This all started when Martel had a title match against Bret, with Bret locked in the crab. HBK came out and punched Bret repeatedly, which got Martel disqualified just as he was possibly about to win. In the next few weeks, Martel would come out during HBK's matches and hit on Sherri. Lmao, as Sherri is suggestively undressing HBK, Vince gets disgusted but then turned on, saying it might be the highlight of the match. Vince says "standing STIDE headlock" twice in a row. The heck? HBK dropkicks Martel in the face pretty much a minute in, so I'm not sure why the match is continuing. Is the stipulation strictly related to punches? They have the most basic heel vs heel match there is, just trying to out cheat each other constantly, and then tempers start to flare. As they're about to punch each other in the face, Sherri faints on the apron. They then start fighting over who gets to save her, with HBK eventually punching Martel in the face to get disqualified as they brawl to the back, leaving Sherri at ringside, who was feigning her fainting. Eventually, Shawn comes back and carries Sherri off, only for Rick to run back down and punch Shawn, who dropped Sherri. "He's gonna piledrive Sherri!" Rick tries to carry her to the back, but HBK attacks, meaning Rick dropped Sherri. "Why don't they just roll her back?" During all this, Pat Patterson tripped and fell over a barricade. Rick comes back out with a bucket of water, which he...dumps on Sherri. Who is then left by herself, soaked. I'm pretty sure the post-match fuckery went on longer than the match.
TO THE MOON. The Nasty Boys. FRICK!
Natural Disasters vs Beverly Brothers WWF Tag Team Championships
This show fucking sucks. Natural Disasters won after an absurd match where Typhoon was FIP for 80% of it.
TO THE MEAN GENE. The Bushwhackers. Jesus Fuck. It just keeps getting worse.
TO THE LORD. Al tries to get words with the Warrior.
Crush vs Repo Man
Demolition EXPLODES. You know, Repo Man's theme goes pretty hard. This was essentially a squash match for Crush. This is Summerslam. At fucking Wembley Stadium. Put on a good show for fuck's sake.
TO THE MEAN GENE. Gene leads us on a recap of the Macho/Warrior/Flair/Perfect saga.
Ultimate Warrior vs Randy Savage WWF Championship
The last time these two faced off, Randy Savage was retired, and an all time WWF classic match went down. Now the Macho Man is back, is the champ, and Warrior is wearing a bodysuit to distract from his smaller body due to more stringent drug testing. It's also in the middle of the show. Macho offers a handshake, but things immediately get extremely tense. The crowd is LIT, also definitely more favorable to Warrior. Favourable, excuse me. For some reason, these guys start like they're in the finishing stretch of a 20 minute match. All that melodrama and titanic struggle from their Wrestlemania match is gone, replaced with random moves with no flow whatsoever, and two dudes looking bored as hell. Warrior in particular looks terrible, like he hadn't worked a match in a year, and is noticeably smaller everywhere, but most notably in his legs. He also looks like he could not want to be in this match any less. Perfect and Flair come out. Earl gets bumped. Then he gets bumped again. Perfect and Flair interfere against both guys, because this match needs that kind of fuckery, of course. Randy could have won the match after Ric hit Warrior with a chair, but instead decided to dive after Ric, who swatted him away with the same chair. Macho then gets counted out as Perfect and Flair try to break Savage's leg. Warrior eventually saved him, but boy did this fucking suck.
TO THE MEAN BY GOD GENE. Flair and Perfect explain their actions.
Kamala vs The Undertaker
TO THE MOON. Sean talks with Davey Boy Smith, who is looking awfully...glassy.
TO THE MEAN GENE. The pressure is on the Bulldog, not Bret. Bret actually cuts a pretty good and intense promo, probably because he was leaning into the heel role, which was always what he was best at when it came to promos.
Roddy Piper comes out to play bagpipes.
TO THE MOON. Sean talks with Diana Smith, sister of Bret Hart and wife of British Bulldog.
Bret Hart vs British Bulldog WWF Intercontinental Championship
This could be 8 stars and not save this garbage show. Lennox Lewis leads the Bulldog to the ring. Bulldog's power advantage is established early on when a shoulder block sends Bret half way across the ring, bouncing over the bottom rope, to the floor, then past the mats and elevated platform. Shortly after, Bret's technical advantage is shown by the most basic way of stopping the headlock takeover > headscissors spot by slightly shifting his weight. I swear that's one of the only times I've seen that sequence stopped like that. But Bulldog has technical skill himself, and it pisses Bret off, who is the first to throw blows and seems to be reveling in the reaction from the crowd. And he's vicious in this. Really, really laying his shit in, generally being rude as hell for a brother-in-law. Cheap shots, hair pulling, using the ring posts, even atomic drops which is just mean. Bulldog finally gets into the match and hits a big flurry of offense ending in the running powerslam, but Bret kicks out. Being that this was the era before finisher kickouts became standard, it was a big deal. Davey counters a sunset flip into a drop down OUTTA NOWHERE. NEW CHAMPION! A tense stand off after the match, leds to Bret and Davey hugging, healing the family rift.
Bret/Bulldog is excellent, I have no doubt it's the 1992 WWF MOTY. Everything else is dogshit. The best match on the undercard, Martel vs HBK, is a house show match with a post-match that lasted longer than the match itself. Macho/Warrior is really bad. No idea how their first match could be so good when this match was so bad. Fucking VIRGIL VS NAILZ is on this show. REPO MAN VS CRUSH. NATURAL DISASTERS VS BEVERLY BROTHERS. KAMALA VS UNDERTAKER. WHAT THE FRICK. This show was so bad that despite selling out Wembley Stadium, WWE never ran a non-UK exclusive PPV from the UK ever again.