WWF Summerslam 2000

Right To Censor vs Too Cool/Rikishi

Rikishi comes out with some of Godfather's hos, one of which is Victoria. lol at all this 1987 flippy indie shit Scotty is doing. Also lol at Goodfather shoving the hoes around. They ain't yours no more, man! This starts up a SAVE THE HOES chant. As for the match itself, it's not particularly interesting, although the crowd is super hot for everything. Stevie pinned Scotty after completely missing a superkick during the WORM. 

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Goodfather trips lol
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EARLIER TONIGHT. Kurt Angle arrived. Coach tried to get some words from him about taking advantage of Stephanie on SD. After that, Steph arrived and Coach told her where Kurt was. She almost went to him, but then went the other way. And THEN, Kurt went into the McMahon-Helmsley locker room, knowing that HHH wasn't there yet. 

TO THE COLE. Big Mike talks with Shane McMahon about his title defense against Steve Blackman. He also asks about Stephanie, but Steve Blackman walks in before he can say much.

Road Dogg vs X-Pac

Pac and Dawg have been having a lot of issues lately, and tensions have boiled over into this match. They're both still heels, but the fans definitely are anti Kid. One of those "guys know each other's spots and also try to out dick each other" type of matches. Pac won after a low blow and X-Factor. After the match, he tried to do the NO HARD FEELINGS thing and instead got fucked in the ass. DOGGY STYLE.

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TO THE BACK. Eddie Guerrero promises Chyna that he won't be jealous if Chyna wins the IC title tonight. "Well, Eddie, one way or the other one of us is gonna get lucky tonight." Elsewhere, Trish balked at the idea of Chyna being a centerfold over her. 

Eddie Guerrero/Chyna vs Val Venis/Trish Stratus WWF Intercontinental Championship

If Eddie or Chyna get a pin/submission, that person will win the title, even if they beat Trish. If you want to remember how small Eddie really was, look at him standing next to Val and Chyna and being dwarfed by both. Also lol at Chyna laying Val out with lariats repeatedly. Chyna works most of the match as FIP. Imagine having a match with Eddie Guerrero and you have Chyna work most of it. Chyna pins Trish with a press slam. New champion. 

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Chyna press slams Chyna

TO THE BACK. Steph is with Jan at make-up, talking about Kurt's kiss. "Well, Kurt is a good kisser."

Jerry Lawler vs Tazz

This match was predicated on Tazz picking on JR, saying, "I'd love to slap you across your face, but it looks like God already beat me to it." JR slapped him, and King then punched him in the mouth. Over the next few weeks, Tazz continued to fuck with Tazz and King, eventually busting a car window with JR in the seat, slicing his face/eye. A long winded way to say that King is defending JR's honor. Also, JR is like 4 inches taller than Tazz. Lol. Tazz comes out in a cowboy hat pretending like he's blind. Also lol that Jerry Lawler, who is like 5'9" tops, is quite a bit taller than Tazz as well. That short fuck. Make a career out of being a bad ass when you're shorter than two middle aged announcers, dawg. After a ref bump, Tazz locks on the Tazzmission. JR grabs his jar of candy and busts it on Tazz's fat head to a MASSIVE pop. The roar from him just getting up was insane. "Now see how he likes that. Now see how it feels, ya SON OF A BITCH."   

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TO THE LILIAN. Lilian tries to ask Shane about the Kurt/Steph kiss. Blackman is again stalking him.

Shane McMahon vs Steve Blackman WWF Hardcore Championship

Steve just beats the shit out of Shane. Then Test and Albert hit the ring. Eventually, Steve beats their asses, too. Then Shane climbs to the top of the Titan Tron, which is probably double the height of the normal tron, to get away from Blackman. Blackman chased him up there and knocked him off, with Shane falling a good 25+ feet. Absurd. Blackman climbs about halfway down and drops and elbow drop. So like...top of a cage level elbow drop. After a 10+ feet higher than top of the HIAC bump. Absurd. New champion. And to think, this fuckhead Shane was taking bumps like that SEVENTEEN YEARS LATER. Just because.

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Steve Blackman knocks Shane McMahon off tron
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TO THE BACK. Shane is being stretchered out. Stephanie is freaking out. Kurt comes in to talk about his feelings. Wrong time, breh. Mick Foley comes in to find Kurt hugging Steph.   

Chris Jericho vs Chris Benoit 2/3 Falls

These guys start the match by trying to kill each other, just punching, even falling out of the ring with the ref while brawling. Brehs are just going for it. Nothing but high spots. Benoit wins the first fall with the crossface.

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Benoit continues the neck/shoulder work as fall 2 starts. Man, when you see Benoit's back and look at his arms, it's clear he has at least 40 pounds more muscle than his frame should naturally hold. His back is as wide as his arms are long. He should have been like 175 absolute tops naturally. Jericho wins fall 2 with the Liontamer.

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Lmao at the ref clearly counting to 3 about a minute into the final fall because Jericho did a bridge spot late. I wish that had been the finish, tbh. Would have been great. Has there ever been a finish like that? Where a guy gets pinned because he took too long to do a bridge spot. Regardless, the fall pretty quickly ends with Benoit rolling through a school boy and holding the ropes to steal the win. 

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TO THE BACK. HHH has arrived. It's halfway through the PPV. Wtf. Imagine Michael Jordan not showing up to the building until half time.

Edge & Christian vs Hardy Boyz vs Dudley Boyz WWF Tag Team Championships TLC

Well, of course there is zero story in this. This is 100% a stunt show. As a stunt show, it's pretty nuts. Also nuts is that only two of the six ended up having to retire early. In fact, the Dudleys would have a return nostalgia run 15 years later, and the Hardys would have one 17 years later. Meanwhile, those pussy Canadians couldn't hang. USA NUMBA ONE. Edge and Christian won. Titles retained.

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TO THE BACK. HHH confronts Steph about the Kurt kiss. He demands she stay away from Kurt Angle. 

The Kat vs Terri Thong Stink Face Match

THONG STINK FACE MATCH. The state of women's wrestling in 2000. Imagine a world where hot broads sticking their junk in your face is supposed to be embarrassing and insulting. This is horrible and two hot broads in bikinis sure isn't helping anything. Al Snow threw Head to Kat, who blasted Terri, then rubbed her asshole right in Terri's face.

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TO WWF NEW YORK. The APA are getting FUCKED UP in NYC, stealing money from Vince. 

Kane vs The Undertaker

I believe this is the 21st Kane vs Taker match since WM 14. But now, Taker is an American Bad Ass, so things are much different. Mother fucker really out here wrestling in black jeans and a denim button down with the sleeves cut off. I'm supposed to take that dude seriously? This undead dude who now wrestles in denim on denim and rides motorcycles? Taker attacks Kane out in the aisle. I guess this is no DQ since they're blasting each other with chairs in the middle of the ring and steps on the floor. This goes about 7 minutes before Taker rips off Kane's mask and Kane runs away, although it was VERY clear that Kane was just a dude wearing super hero make up on eyes under his mask. His face isn't burnt at all. For such a short match with the finish they had, the idea that they didn't put some kind of disfigured looking make up on Kane is lol as hell.

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TO THE BACK. Kurt Angle calls someone. Elsewhere, Steph hypes HHH up and answers her phone. It's obviously Kurt, but Steph pretends it's Linda. HHH wants to talk to her, but "Linda" hung up on her. 

Triple H vs The Rock vs Kurt Angle WWF Championship

Before the match, Kurt apologizes for kissing Stephanie on Smackdown. Apologizes for not doing it sooner! It's darn heckin' true! "And Triple H? I gave your wife the kind of passion that you could never give her even if your life depended on it." HHH comes out and doesn't bother with his entrance to beat on Kurt. Within a few minutes, HHH tries to pedigree Kurt on an announcer table, but the table gave before the impact, so Kurt's head slammed on the floor and concussed the shit out of him. At this point, Rock comes out. Kurt is checked out by medical staff and taken out on a stretcher. HHH runs all the way to Gorilla to pull Kurt back and attack him. Kurt has no fucking clue what is going on. And all of the medical staff is like WTF HE'S FUCKED UP DUDE STOP. So this means a 30 minute planned triple threat has turned into a singles match between Rock and HHH. If this happened in WCW this same time, the announcers would be talking about how great Rock and HHH are for being professional and calling this match on the fly. It definitely does FEEL like a match where guys are making shit up as they go, in that it's random spots they've done a bunch and blocks where everyone is confused, especially Stephanie. Eventually, Sgt. Slaughter comes out (with script in hand) and takes Steph to the back. HHH hits Rock in the gut with the sledgehammer and works from there.

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HHH eliminates Rock
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TO THE BACK. Stephanie pleads with Kurt to come back and help HHH. "Will you do it for me?" "Only for you, Steph. I'll do it for you." 

At this point, I'm thinking maybe the match was planned out for Kurt to get taken to the back after the pedigree and come back anyway. Am I being worked? What if all this HHH/Rock stuff was planned to FEEL like it's being called on the spot? #StayWoke. A clearly fucked up Kurt Angle is dragged back to the ring by Steph. The idea that they'd send him back out is crazy. Certainly a product of its time. Kurt is out here glass eyed and slow as hell running spots now. HHH accidentally punches Steph, Kurt hits HHH with a sledgehammer. Rock eliminates Kurt then hits HHH with the People's Elbow for the win. Title retained. Lol. After the match, Kurt carried Steph to the back. 

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Weird show. Hot shot, but weird. Most of the show felt like filler, and what wasn't had people getting killed. TLC was crazy, Kurt scrambling his brain then coming back out to finish the match is crazy, Shane taking bumps from the top of the tron is still wtf. Kane/Taker was lulz as heck. Do a Raw angle for the second most hyped match of the second biggest show of the year, y'all.