WWF Summerslam 2001
Let the bodies hit the....FLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR.
Lance Storm vs Edge WWF Intercontinental Championship
Fackin' Canadians. I see a sign near the front row that says "Thez is trash". Well, fuck you, guy. I'm getting hot now. There was some miscommunication early in the match and the rest of the match was spent with awkward pauses, blatant spot calling, and lance doing moves I've never seen him do. Shit was weird. I think Edge got KO'd briefly or something. Christian comes out and accidentally spears Edge. Edge kicked out and won with the DDT right after. New champion.
TO THE BACK. Test and the Dudleys are heading to the ring. They're stopped by Michael Cole, who asks Test why he turned on the WWF. The WWF turned on him first. That's true. The WWF fans and roster did him dirty.
TO THE LILIAN. She speaks with Chris Jericho. He turns a promo on Rhyno into talking about Steph losing her virginity in a gang bang.
APA/Spike Dudley vs Test/Dudley Boyz
What a surprise, another match where Bubba and D-Von beat the ever loving shit out of Spike. Surely he got fucking pissed at them at some point. Test threw Spike through a table, then JBL hit the clothesline from hell. But there was some confused and Shane McMahon came OUTTA NOWHERE to hit JBL with a chair, giving Test the win.
TO THE BACK. The WWF locker room celebrates Edge's win. Christian comes in bragging that he has a European Championship match against Matt tomorrow on Raw. He calls Grandma, who only wants to talk to Edge.
TO THE BACK. Shawn Stasiak barges into Debra's locker room, looking for Stone Cold. He wanted Steve to give him some pointers on getting a better look/gimmick/gear.
Tajiri vs X-Pac WWF Light Heavyweight/WCW Cruiserweight Championship
Title for title, but not a unification match. A pretty solid cruiser match. Not much in the way of a defined story, but good work. Albert came out and Tajiri gave him the RED mist, but this allowed Kid to low blow him and hit the X-Factor to win the light heavyweight championship. With that win, X-Pac becomes one of three men to hold both the WWF Light Heavyweight Championship and WCW Cruiserweight Championship, along with Dean Malenko and Ultimo Dragon. Although Ultimo's WWF LHW reign isn't recognized by WWE.
TO NEW YORK. Saturn is at WWF New York. Moppy wouldn't run away. They're in love! He asks the fans to help him find her.
TO THE BACK. Stephanie gets Rhyno hyped up to murder Jericho.
Rhyno vs Chris Jericho
Steph is at ringside to support Rhyno. Jericho has been unable to defeat Rhyno in any type of match up to this point. Of course, she gets involved pretty much right away, allowing Rhyno to GORE Jericho out of the air on a dive ot the floor. From there, Rhyno works the mid section the rest of the match. At one point, Jericho forcibly kissed Steph, which makes sense, as he obviously wanted to fuck the shit out of her and was using grade school tactics to show his affection for her. In the end, Jericho made Rhyno tap out to the Walls of Jericho.
TO THE BACK. Commissioner Regal finds Rock and asks him if he's sure he's 100%. The Rock isn't 100%, but he's damn sure gonna whoop that ass. Just then, Shawn Stasiak ran into a gate.
Rob Van Dam vs Jeff Hardy WWF Hardcore Championship Ladder Match
Can Jeff go a few months without killing himself with a ladder? This has potential to be RVD/Sabu 2006 level botchery. It takes a while for the ladder to come into play, surprisingly, but once it does, it's nonstop "creative" usages. Surprisingly, there aren't a ton of botches that you'd expect, but when they happen, they're hilariously bad. Like RVD swinging Jeff from the belt, then jumping from the top rope hoping to knock him off, but missing completely, and then Jeff falling on top of him. RVD won, but there were some pretty nutty spots in this, with Jeff particularly taking some terrible falls.
TO THE BACK. Shane has a gift for Booker T. Book Ends from the announce table that Booker put Rock through on SD. Booker was very touched. Elsewhere, the Brothers of Destruction head to the ring.
Brothers of Destruction vs Kanyon/DDP WCW/WWF Tag Team Championships
Kanyon comes to the ring looking like he's about to cry. DDP doesn't look much better. Kanyon takes a bump from the top of the cage about 40 seconds in. This is about as one sided of a beat down of a cage match as you'll ever see. I'm pretty sure Vince got more offense on Austin. And not only that, both Kane and Taker are absurdly reckless in this, just throwing both guys around without any regard for DDP/Kanyon. Especially Kanyon. It's not even a fun heel gets his ass beat kind of match. It's a wtf this feels unprofessional as shit type of match.
TO THE BACK. Rock is with the trainer when Shawn Stasiak slides over a table. Elsewhere, WWF and Alliance locker rooms are tensing up for Angle vs Austin.
Kurt Angle vs Steve Austin WWF Championship
#BigFightFeel. God damn, just entrance feel so intense. What an atmosphere. In fact, they meet half way in the aisle and just start going at it. These dudes are just wangin' out there. Once that settles down, Austin goes to work on Kurt's leg. You got Stunning Steve out here doing Three Amigos, Angle hitting 7 Germans in a row, a top rope superplex. The original suplex city Summerslam match. Austin hits a floating stunner, and KURT KICKS OUT. Another stunner. Kurt gets busted open repeatedly being rammed into the ring post. Like 7 or 8 times. So you have a blood covered, out on his feet Angle being damn near tortured by a demonic Stone Cold. But he won't stay down. This is probably the most vicious Austin ever was. Finally, Kurt comes to life and puts Austin the ankle lock on the floor and drags his ass into the ring. The crowd not being more into this is crazy. This is fucking great. Austin out here taking backdrops on the floor, covered in Kurt's blood, as Kurt's blood forms pools all around ringside. THE MOONSAULT CONNECTED! MILLION DOLLAR DREAM! SHADES OF THE RINGMASTER! You know shit is real when Austin busts that out. Kurt kicks out of another stunner and Austin has no clue what is left to do. HIT HIM WITH THE STUN GUN! Lmao, he just blasts Earl instead. Chioda replaces him, and Austin tries to get disqualified with a low blow and then a stunner to him. Then another ref. STEVE AUSTIN CAN NOT BEAT KURT ANGLE ON THIS NIGHT. Kurt hit the Angle Slam, had the pin, and then Nick Patrick came out to disqualify Austin. Lmao. What a great match. Classic. I might argue that this is Austin/Rock WM17 level all time classic WWE main event.
The Rock vs Booker T WCW Championship
Good luck following Austin/Angle, brehs. This is pretty whatever. Constant Shane interference, Booker looking like a chump. The APA came out and lured Shane into a trap to LAY HIS ASS OUT with a clothesline from hell. He also got killed with a Rock Bottom on the floor. The manager taking bumps shouldn't be the most memorable part of the match. ROCK BOTTOM OUTTA NOWHERE. NEW CHAMPION!
Certainly a much higher quality show than 2000, and probably all of the 90s now that I think about it. Austin/Angle is an all time classic, RVD/Jeff was pretty crazy, and the rest of the undercard (minus the gross cage match) was just very solid action. Booker/Rock was pretty whatever. Felt like a Raw main event, but there was no way it could have followed Angle/Austin anyway.