WCW Spring Stampede 4/19/98

Big news. Savage has been cleared, the cast is off, and the main event is now no DQ. 

Saturn vs Goldberg

This one has been building slowly for a while. This is also Goldberg’s first real test. Saturn takes the fight to Bill right away. Fuck yo suplexes, Taz. Saturn and Goldberg do them better. Kidman tries to get involved and gets press slammed to the floor. Saturn gets back in and hits a leg sweep, springboard leg drop, and flying elbow. We are now watching the longest Goldberg match ever. It goes to the floor, where Goldberg’s shoulder is smashed between the post and steps. Saturn tried an Asai moonsault, but slipped and kind of hit a flying back elbow thing. Goldberg sold it anyway, and Saturn no sold it. Goldy is now working with a bad arm. They have some miscommunications, but Goldberg fixes them with a spear. Kidman distracts Goldberg, which gives Saturn time to recover. He puts Goldberg on the ropes for a Gargoyle superplex and instead gets press slammed from the second rope. Kidman gets speared. Goldberg stands up while the Rings of Saturn is locked on and does a DVD into the jackhammer. Goldberg is awesome. Anyone that says otherwise is a JERK.

Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs Ultimo Dragon

Chavo is fighting for his freedom here. Chavo is outmatched, which is the whole point of this story. He’s trying to prove that he can hang with top level guys like Dragon and Jericho, but Eddie keeps costing him matches because he wants to be the only successful Guerrero in WCW. Chavo finally gets in control and Eddie is screaming at him to cheat and rip the mask off. Asai moonsault. Chavo has springs in his legs, but mostly misses his dive. Back in the ring, a double clothesline. Dragon goes for a cross body, but gets caught with a dropkick to the DICK. Dragon is hurt. The ref is holding Chavo back. Eddie is LOSING HIS MIND that Chavo isn’t capitalizing on this. He’s right. He should be doing something. He could have won the match. It was an accidental low blow. He could have kept going and won his freedom. Brainbustaaaahh. Tornado DDT is reversed into the Dragon Sleeper. Chavo is fucked. Eddie is only going to double down now. 

Chris Benoit vs Booker T WCW TV Championship No Time Limit

After two time limit draws, they decided no more of that shit. Also, Benoit is racist against time limits. Brain says that Bobo Brazil told him that Booker T would be even more famous and successful than himself. I bet Benoit hated Bobo, too. Because he’s racist. I remember going to a local indie spot show that had Bobo Brazil Jr, who flipped people off and did the Stunner as his finish. There was also a guy who tried to mix surfer and Crow Sting. I took home one of the used trash cans. Benoit gets bumped to the floor very early on. He’s been kind of heelish lately. He’s always intense, but he’s been a real dick to black people as of late. Benoit gets back in the ring and tries to work over the leg. He starts taking things seriously and knocks Booker to the floor. Some hard chops and a snap suplex would follow. Benoit controls things for a while. Diving headbutt! Book reverses a snap suplex with one of his own. Another snap suplex from Benoit. Rolling Reich suplexes. Such a racist. CRUSHING back superplex. Damn. Sidewalk slam from Book. SOLID flying forearm. Pancake Norton. Benoit kind of pulls the ref into the ax kick. Booker taps to the Crossface, but the ref was out. Benoit picks up the ref, but Booker hits a Harlem side kick over him for the win. Benoit can’t handle that he lost to a darkie. That racist son of a bitch. 

British Bulldog vs Curt Hennig

Meh. A cop handcuffs Rude and Anvil together. I don’t remember this being an announced stipulation, but at least this isn’t Crush/Perfect vs Anvil/Bulldog. Curt has a big knee brace on. He didn’t have it at Thunder, so he must have hurt it in the last few days. Bulldog also walks to the name with a noticeable limp. So, imagine a Curt Hennig match where he can’t bump around because he’s hurt. A Curt Hennig who really couldn’t bump around a lot anyway. And his opponent is a bloated from drugs, barely mobile Bulldog. The police man was Virgil! SWERVE! Rude gets out of the cuffs and locks Anvil to the ring post. Perfect wins after Bulldog is bumped into the turnbuckle. With the pad on. Lol. 

Chris Jericho vs TAFKATAFKAPI WCW Cruiserweight Championship

Fucking Prince. Maybe he’ll botch stuff or Jericho will give me something funny to gif. This match was dedicated to Stinko Malenko. I imagine Dean was watering his lawn, having his wife iron his Dockers, and putting teenagers in the Texas Cloverleaf in his time off. The idea of what he was doing in suburbia is far more interesting to me than anything Prince could do. I don’t even want to watch this match. I just want someone to make a game where you are Dean Malenko: Suburban Dad and you have to stop hoodlums from lowering the property value of the neighborhood. You’d get bonus points for not getting grass stains on your slacks and putting a guy in the Cloverleaf in front of a sprinkler. Anyway, they lose their balance on the top rope and both fall to the floor. Prince tries a top rope sunset flip and gets caught in the Liontamer. Fuck you, Prince. Not the real Prince. He was awesome. The wrestler version? Fuck that guy. Jericho has now absorbed Prince’s sarong into his collection.

Buff Bagwell/Scott Steiner vs Lex Luger/Rick Steiner

Bleh. Buff has his wrist in a cast. Hopefully that means the match has to be cancelled. Buff says the match is canceled. Call it off. PLEASE CALL IT OFF. WILL SOMEBODY STOP THE DAMN MATCH?!? JJ and Gene come to the ring. JJ brings the trainer into the ring, who cuts the cast off. This makes Buff grab JJ with his bad hand and the match is on. Well fuck. TAKE A SWIG FOR THE WORKING MAN. Except I’m not a working man. SWERVE. Rick is an idiot and tries to wrestle the match on his own. Lex isn’t in for the first 7 minutes, which is actually a good thing. Rick and Scott finally have a stare down, but Scott runs away. Torture Rack to Buff for the win.

Psychosis vs La Parka

Unannounced BONUS match! Parka is in a yellow variant tonight. Here are the gifs. Hypno wins with the guillotine leg drop in the ropes.

Kevin Nash/Hollywood Hogan vs The Giant/Roddy Piper Bat Match

This should be awful. Nash and Hogan enter separately. These are probably the last four guys you’d expect to be in a X on a pole match. Two guys in their mid 40s who are very averse to any kind of bumping or athleticism, one guy in his late 30s who is also really averse to any kind of bumping or athleticism, and a guy as big as Andre. I’m positive that Show will take the biggest bump in this match. Piper goes for the bat right away. Hogan follows him up and they’re fighting each other on a pole. Fuck this match. I don’t care to see Giant literally spanking Hogan. Giant and Nash have a show down. I don’t care about that either. Why are these four mostly immobile dudes in a match where you have to climb up a pole? Russo isn’t even in WCW yet. Giant hits a dropkick on Nash. Piper gets the bat. Hogan gets it and throws it out of the ring. I guess the rule were if you get the bat you can use it, not you win if you get the bat. Beefcake brings his own bat. Giant gets hit. Hogan accidentally hits Nash. Hogan ends up winning after hitting Piper with the other bat or something. Idk. Hogan convinces Nash to powerbomb Giant and then hits him with the bat. I don’t even know if that counts as a SWERVE, since Hogan and Nash have been fighting for what feels like years now.

Raven vs DDP WCW US Championship

Whatever happened to Dusty Rhodes? Just because Hall was taken off TV doesn’t mean Dusty should have been, too. I’d MUCH rather him being giving the 10 minute nWo rants over Hogan, Bischoff, or Nash. Whoever wins this is getting fed to Goldberg tomorrow. It was even announced as DDP came to the ring. Raven still has the belt since he stole it in front of Carson Daly and Dave Grohl. DDP fucks Raven and Sick Boy up in the opening minutes. He even hits a plancha. Oh shit, they’re fighting on the stage coach! A dive into a bunch of hay is apparently BRUTAL. DDP hits a suplex into the WCW.com table. FUCK YOU LEE MARSHAL. That’s what Tony meant to say, not me. I don’t even know where they’re fighting at, but a Japanese table doesn’t break while Raven tries to put DDP through it. Cow bell! Trash can to the permanently injured DDP ribs. Sick Boy gives Raven a kitchen sink. Lol. DDP hits a drop toe hold on the kitchen sink. WCW was great at metaphors. Kidman tries to get involved and ends up hitting Raven. Sick Boy accidentally hits Raven with a crutch. Evenflow is countered into a small package for a 2 count. Hammer dives off the top and accidentally hits Raven as well. Fucking Flock. I hope Raven gives them all a stern talking to. Reese comes in and hits an Albert Bomb for a 2 count. A stop sign is now in play. Didn’t really work out for the Flock. Diamond cutter to Kidman. Some random guy (Horace Hogan) hits DDP with a stop sign and Raven hits an Evenflow on the kitchen sink for the win. New champion! Raven vs Goldberg tomorrow on Nitro.

Sting vs Randy Savage WCW Championship No Disqualification

Savage attacks before the bell even rings. Not a lot of time in this show. Probably for the better since WCW botched all of their main events after 1994. They’re brawling near the entrance. HAY TO THE FACE! Lol, Tony tries to sell how painful that is. Stinger splash on the railing is missed. Has Sting ever hit it while someone was on the railing? Savage goes for a piledriver, but it is reversed. It goes back to the floor. Sting hits a suplex on that same floor. Ref gets bumped. Piledriver. Sting no sells that shit like he’s a Road Warrior. Liz hits him with a chair. Randy pulls her in the way of a Stinger splash and uses the same chair. Oh my. He goes for the elbow, but Hogan shoves him off the ropes. Deathdrop from Sting. There was a ref bump that I missed. Nash comes out and powerbombs Sting. New champion! Randy Savage is the new WCW Champion!

All that build up for Sting to beat Hogan, only to have a controversial finish, the title vacant for 2 months, then Sting to lose it a month later as part of the NWO split that had nothing to do with him.