WWE Taboo Tuesday 2005
Edge/Chris Masters vs Matt Hardy/Rey Mysterio
Joey Styles is making his WWE debut, filling in for JR who was fired by Linda McMahon so he could be written off TV for health issues. Coach would be in a match later, so he also wasn't at the table, either. Lita says Edge will not wrestle tonight. His replacement is Snitsky! There is a ref from each brand in the ring at the same time. Rey is man handled. It's interesting how fat Rey and Matt would get, yet how small Masters got. First botch of the night comes with Masters falling over while Rey was trying to do a wheel barrow move. Hot tag to Matt. Side Effect to Snitsky. Matt hits a super DDT/brainbuster thing. Masters shoves off a Twist of Kanyon right into a big boot of Snitsky. Lariatooooooooo. Huge spinebuster from Snitsky. This match is weirdly pretty good. Matt finally gets some offense in with a second rope lariat Rey is knocked off the apron. Shortly after, he gets a hot tag and flies all over the place. Snitsky throws off a tornado DDT right into the Masterlock! Rey does the old Bret/Piper finish, but the refs argue over who is getting pinned, despite Rey not being on the mat at all. Double dives. Rey nearly wins with a sunset flip. Torture Rack neck breaker! Shades of Kanyon! Giant tornado DDT from Matt to Snitsky. 619 into a Twist of Kanyon followed by a springboard splash. Smackdown wins. That was actually really good. How fucking weird. I never would have expected Snitsky and super green Masters to be in a match this good no matter who the opponents were.
TO THE BACK. Mick Foley is in the back talking about the outfits he has to wear. He pulls up some lingerie. Maria had a Mankind mask on. Their gear got mixed up. She then got naked and gave him her top and bottoms. "Have a nice day!" "I think I just did..." You see, he came in his pants from looking at a naked woman.
Rob Conway/Tyson Tomko vs Eugene/Jimmy Snuka
Snuka won the vote over Kamala and Jim Duggan. Eugene wants a test of strength with Tomko. To this day, I can't decide if Eugene was terribly offensive, or an extremely well performed character. Maybe a bit of both? Conway is wearing his sunglasses in the ring. Just look at him. He's had his way with many women. Just look at him. He was boring as shit in the ring, but the dude was put together. Eugene plays the FIP for a while. He hit a big lariat on the Con Man. Hot tag to Snuka. He and Eugene play ping pong with Conway. Rock Bottom! Superfly Splash for the win. What's amazing is that 62 year old Snuka did the splash better than I've ever seen Tamina do it. Tomko attacked after the match. Duggan and Kamala made the save. They should have revealed that Duggan was Eugene's dad. It would have made so much sense.
Carlito vs Mankind
The vote for this match was which gimmick Foley would wrestle as. And the fans picked Mankind by a large margin. Not Cactus Jack. It's supposed to be creepy Mankind, at least. Tree of Keanu. It goes to the floor and Mankind hits a neckbreaker. He went after Carlito with a chair only to eat a drop toe hold into the steps, hitting the chair as well. A dropkick sends Mankind's head into the steps. Worst looking electric chair I've ever seen. This match is bad, and I have no idea why the fuck Mick Foley was doing a random mid card match with Carlito in 2005 anyway. Running knee to the face. Cactus Clothesline. Cactus Elbow. Double arm DDT. Mr. Socko has a 'fro tonight. Mandible Claw for the win. Waste of both guys. It was just a random match for Foley and Carlito gets to job to a dude he doesn't mesh with and can't get any kind of rub from.
TO THE BACK. Eric Bischoff is on the phone with someone, bitching about Teddy Long when Mr. McMahon walks in. Vince was really excited to see the Raw vs Smackdown match. It's an hour into the show and VINCE MCMAHON isn't even watching. He didn't know the match happened. Vince is disappointed in Bischoff for Raw losing on a Raw PPV. Vince is tired of bailing people out. Bischoff is on his own. Elsewhere, Mankind chats with people on the internet.
The main event vote is decided. HBK will face Kurt Angle and John Cena for the WWE Championship. Big Show was dead last by a lot.
Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch vs Kane/Big Show World Tag Team Championships
Joey Styles said he shit himself from Kane's pyro. Kane and Trevor start out. King somehow manages to make Tennesee jokes at Murdoch's expense, despite famously being from Tennessee himself. Most of the match is Big Show doing chops. Kane is thrown off the ropes while trying the diving clothesline. Sweet and Sour on the floor. Kane and Big Show win with a double chokeslam. New champions. Match sucked.
TO THE BACK. Vader warms up. Goldust comes in and acts like a weirdo. Coach comes in and tells them they better be ready. Coach has a match with Batista tonight. He was supposed to have a match with Austin, but we'll get to that later.
Todd brings out all of the Divas to see what they'll wear in the Fulfill Your Fantasy match tonight. Lingerie is the winner.
Batista vs Coach
The whole build for the match was with Austin, who bailed on the go home show because they wanted Austin to lose to Coach at the PPV. So Coach offered an open challenge to anyone on the Smackdown roster. Batista answered. Goldust and Vader are in the corner of Coach. The street fight won with 91% of the vote. Vader and Goldust start the match in the ring. Goldy and Vader are both very out of shape. In fact, Coach is the most in shape guy on the team. Goldust uses a kendo stick. Coach gets a belt. He whips Batista with it. Batista fights out and uses the belt on everyone. Botched spinebuster to Vader. Then a real one to Goldy and one to Vader. Batista Bomb to Coach. Batista wins. Bummer, they cut out Vader's falling out of the ring.
TO THE BACK. Todd talks with HBK. This is the second year in a row he's been voted into the main event of Taboo Tuesday. Kurt Angle walks up and wants them to take Cena out so they can find out who really is the better wrestler. "Whaddya say?" "...I'll think about it."
Fulfill Your Fantasy Diva Battle Royal
King actually asked for a paper towel. Because he came. There really weren't sexy/pervy spots or anything. It was just a normal battle royal where the girls were in lingerie, which is so much different than their normal gear. Trish wins when Mickie James and Victoria eliminate each other simultaneously. Actually, Mickie eliminated herself on purpose while eliminating Victoria. Mickie then interrupted Trish's promo and did her crazy fan stuff.
Triple H vs Ric Flair WWE Intercontinental Championship
Steel Cage Match
The basis of this match is seriously that HHH was sickened that Flair was so happy to win the IC Championship. Because that's so far below Ric Flair, and for Flair to have fallen so low that he was happy to be IC champion was pathetic. IC Championship: Buried. They lock up and Flair unloads chops. Chops everywhere. High knee ends all that. Spinebuster. This is like Ric Flair vs Ric Flair if Ric Flair was actually Harley Race and Hulk Hogan. Flair goes into the cage. WWE is better than TNA at not zooming in on Flair blading. Knee drop. "OOOOOOOOHHHHH.......shit!" Flair looks like an over ripe tomato. Stinger Splash with Flair against the cage. Another knee drop. HHH climbs the cage. Flair follows him. They trade chops and headbutts with HHH both men eventually falling sledgehammers first on top the top rope. HHH had a chain hidden at the top of the cage. Flair Flop from HHH! Flair went for the figure four. HHH stopped it with a chain punch. "OOOOOOOOOOHHHHH GOD. JESUS CHRIST!" Flair's yelling is great. The ref takes the chain from HHH to a chorus of boos. It's a cage match. Why can't he use the chain? Knee drop to the back of the neck. HHH applies the figure four. "NO YOU MOTHER FUCKER I'LL KILL AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!" "FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. RIGHT THERE!" Ric is able to reverse it, but HHH kept rolling. Rope break. In a cage match? Ric is COVERED in blood. Maybe the bloodiest he's ever been in a match. HHH is also spraying plasma. Blood everywhere. This has to be in the top 2-3 bloodiest matches of all time in WWE. So much fucking blood. Ref bump! In a cage match. Ric climbs up top. HHH tries to stops him. Ric is a face, so he gets to hit a top rope move. Low blow. Ric ends up bringing a chair into the ring. HHH stomps on it, possibly breaking Ric's hand. Ball claw! Just two dudes, bleeding everywhere, grabbing dicks. Ric back drops out of the Pedigree. Series of chair shots to HHH's dome. A fan is legit shook. Flair exits the cage. Flair wins! HHH is dead. Title retained. Don't worry, HHH got his win back a few weeks later in a last man standing match.
Kurt Angle vs John Cena vs HBK WWE Championship
This is 7 months into the Cena era and his crowd reactions are already quite mixed. Kurt knocks HBK to the floor and goes after Cena. HBK comes back in an starts chopping the shit out of people. Kurt is back dropped to the floor. Cena does a backslide. German suplexes to HBK and Cena. Then belly to belly suplexes for both. Cena attempts to FU Angle. HBK goes for a superkick. Cena caught it. The challengers start pounding Cena down. Cena is double front suplexed through the announce table. European uppercuts and chop exchange. Kurt and HBK have a weirdly long and uninteresting exchange in the ring. Cena recovers and is booed. Shortly after he fires up, HBK hits a dive onto Angle and Cena is sent into the crowd. HBK is belly to bellied over the top. Cena starts the 5MOD. Angle counters the FU with an ankle lock. HBK breaks it after Cena was in the grapevine version for about a minute. Superkick to Angle. Cena pops up and hits an FU on HBK with no problems. LOLCENAWINS. Shockingly uninteresting considering the talent involved.
DQ Count: 0 out of 8 matches.
Decent show over all. The cage match was a good old disgustingly bloody NWA cage match with Ric Flair defeating HHH probably stronger than anyone since Warrior. HHH would get his win back at Survivor Series. But the opening tag I think was match of the night. It's really good. Maybe it just seems so good because Masters/Snitksy were one of the teams, but I really enjoyed it and would recommend people look it up and watch.