ECW December to Dismember 12/3/2006

WWECW's only real solo PPV. There were the 2 One Night Stand PPVs, but those were more reunion shows than anything else. This is the only real PPV with just wrestlers from the ECW on Sci-Fi show. This is considered one of the worst PPVs ever put on. I don't know if that means WWE exclusive or not, but we'll see how it goes.

MNM vs The Hardy Boys

This was a big deal as it was the first time the Hardys had been reunited since 2002. That isn't actually true, as they teamed together on the ECW TV show before the PPV. But MNM had been one of the biggest tag teams in WWE in 2005/2006. They were a mainstay of Smackdown during that time. The Hardy Boys broke up in 2002 and then Jeff was released from WWE due to drug issues. He recently had cleaned up and returned to WWE and reunited with his brother. Joey Mercury had also had drug issues and was reuniting with Johnny Nitro after a suspension and some time in OVW. Matt and Mercury start out. Mercury and the Hardys started out together in OMEGA in the mid 90s. They have an even exchange. Nitro and Jeff had been feuding on Raw, with a recent ladder match between the two over the IC Championship. The Hardys do some basic arm work on Mercury. Joey tags out. Frequent tags between the Hardys. The Hardys were actually announced as Team Xtreme. Double team offense from the Hardys, including that move they did in the Chef Boyarde commercial. "She's a crack whore" chant for Melina. Have these fans ever seen a crack whore? Nitro goes to town on Jeff. That is, until he misses a standing SSP. Is there least impactful move than a standing SSP? Splash Mountain Bomb from Matt to Nitro. Melina trips up Matt. He goes after her and gets laid out on the floor. Double gut buster to Matt.  Head scissors from Melina, which gives Taz a boner. That screaming is awful. Taz's boners over it just makes it worse. Matt gets out of a double suplex with a double neck breaker. MNM do Poetry In Motion to Matt. Joey goes for the Twist of Fate. Matt shoves it off and hot tags to Jeff. Jeff goes crazy. Matt and Joey go to the floor and we have a dive sequence. Hardys hit the Poetry in Motion. Matt nails the TOF, but Jeff misses the swanton. Nitro nails a missile drop kick. Double slingshot from MNM on Jeff. Stupid leg drop from Nitro. That shit was dumb as fuck and it's no wonder he never made it as a solo star. Jeff is double teamed for a while. Matt gets the hot tag. Side Effects and leg drops. Hardys try some double team, which turns into a super rana from Nitro. Stereo superplexes from the Hardys. Jeff nearly gets the win with a roll up. Snap Shot from MNM. Matt barely breaks the pin. MNM attempt a super Snap Shot on Jeff. Matt breaks it up with a double Kanyon Cutter. BANG! Jeff hits a Swanton Bomb of both men and make the pin for the win. This was pretty great. I remember it being MOTYC in 2006 and I believe the tag team MOTY. Probably shouldn't have opened the show since it was all down hill from here.


ECW.COM EXCLUSIVE. RVD promo on the Extreme Elimination Chamber. Fucking RVD.

Matt Striker vs Balls Mahoney

Matt does promo work before the match to kill PPV time. I have no idea why they did an ECW brand PPV. It definitely couldn't support a 3 hour show. I'm not sure they had enough talent and stories to fill a 2 hour event. This whole show was like 2 hours and 15 minutes, and that's with copious stalling and matches like this, so I guess that answers my question. This match will be contested under EXTREME...enforcement of rules. Striker's face is on the back of his tights. "You have to wonder about a man that wants to sit on his own face." Balls wrestles a straight match, even doing a leap frog. Fans hate Striker. Taz says something about an effeminate cover. Striker works over the arm for a while. The idea that this is a PPV match shows you everything you need to know about the ECW brand in 2006. Balls wins with a sit out spine buster. OUTTA NOWHERE. I can't believe Balls got that WWE money for a few months.


TO THE BACK. CM Punk warms up for the Elimination Chamber. Elsewhere, we find Sabu being attended to by paramedics. He probably overdosed. Paul Heyman wants to know what happened. Bullshit chants ring out.

Elijah Burke/Sylvester Terkay vs The FBI

I almost forgot Pope and Predator ever existed. I guess Pope was a real asshole, so much that he couldn't survive in WWE or TNA. As for Predator, I don't really know. He just didn't work out in America. He had a pretty good career in Japan. Trinity was fresh off her run in TNA. This is another example of why the ECW brand couldn't support a solo PPV. I like Guido and Tony Mamaluke, but his is a straight up Thunder match at best. The second one in a row. Trinity is super hot for a post op transsexual. "The Man Bear" isn't the best nickname WWE has come up with. If Pope wasn't such a cunt, he could have been a big star. I really liked his TNA run until he hurt his shoulder. Then he just kind of vanished like most TNA guys. But he was in The Dark Knight Rises. And then he became the worst fucking color guy in the game. Anyway, this match sucked and Pope pinned Tony with The Stroke.


TO THE BACK. Sabu is put into an ambulance. RVD and CM Punk are there to see him off.

Daivari vs Tommy Dreamer

Thunder rolls on. At least Tommy got a generic version of Man in the Box. None of the other ECW guys got themes that sounded like their ECW entrance music. Daivari is obviously a better wrestler, but I bet a Dreamer/Khali match would be more interesting. It's pretty obvious to see why ECW never got another PPV, but I don't know if it was a self fulfilling prophecy or not. Khali is ejected from ringside. I forgot all about Mickie Jay having a WWE run. I wonder if his balls were ever the same after Goldberg crushed them with a spear. This is a TV match, both in importance and in ring work. Taz talks about Tommy's FAT ASS. Because he's FAT. HE'S A FAT ASS WITH A FAT ASS. Tree of Keanu dropkick from Dreamer. It looked like shit. Daivari won with a roll up OUTTA NOWHERE. After the match, Khali gave Tommy a double chokeslam on the stage just so Tommy could take a big bump. It was shown multiple times but it is hard to take it seriously after all the normal bumps on the stage and especially all the bumps Tommy took in OG ECW or even in WWE. Tommy left on his own power because he's EXTREME.


TO THE BACK. Paul Heyman talks with Hardcore Holly. He asks Holly to replace Sabu in the Elimination Chamber. Actually, he doesn't ask, he just booked Holy in the match. Holly was in his gear already. Just in case, I guess.

Mike Knox/Kelly Kelly vs Kevin Thorn/Ariel

Kelly was only 20 when she showed up in ECW. Mike Knox hasn't grown his awesome beard and is still pretty small at this point. Kelly wishes CM Punk good luck in the main event. She had a thing for him. Kevin Thorn was the former Mordecai and current Gangrel. Ariel was the future some dame in TNA. Mike Knox would go on to be Knuxx in TNA. I don't know what the story for this match was and there wasn't a story recap. Kelly Kelly is the only face in the match. People thought Taz went off the rails in TNA, but it definitely happened well before that. Mike Knox short handed Kelly, leaving her to the wolves. Well, the vampires. Ariel won with a choke STO. Ariel attacks Kelly until Sandman comes out to run the vampires off.


TO THE BACK. I don't know who the woman is, but she's terrible and talks to Bobby Lashley. We're shown clips of Lashley vs Big Show from last week. Bobby has such an unintimidating voice. He also looks like a Muppet Baby. Elsewhere, Big Show, Test, and Hardcore Holly head to the arena.

Very long EC video package. Very long. Clearly trying to eat up PPV time.

Extreme Elimination Chamber ECW Championship

Hardcore Holly replaces Sabu in the match. Other competitors are Big Show, Lashley, RVD, Test, and CM Punk. Paul Heyman cut a long promo before the match, also eating up PPV time. He says that the legacy of ECW will live on after he dies and says the era of Sabu/RVD/Sandman/Tommy Dreamer is over. He talked for a good 6 minutes. The video package before the match was probably 3 minutes. Then they did they slow lowering and spent time going over the rules. Plus all the entrances. Nearly 20 minutes of fluff before the match even started. Maybe they could have just added a match or two to the card to take up time. Oh, ECW didn't have the roster to add another match or two. Maybe that's why they shouldn't have had an ECW exclusive PPV. God, Big Show's entrance alone was as long as Undertaker's. Punk looks weird. He's beefier, but still a skinny fat ass, and it's weird seeing him with long hair again. Bobcore and RVD start the match. This is EXTREME because there are weapons in each pod. I swear they restarted the pod timer to add even more padding to the match. RVD does some Spiderman shit. This is so boring already. Rolling Thunder over the top rope. That was kind of cool, I guess. Punk is next man in and is the first guy to get a reaction all night. He comes in throwing chairs and gets Sabu'd with one. Monkey flip on a chair. Looked like shit and the fans booed at it. Some more chair stuff. RVD is busted open. You're not likely to hear a PPV crowd more dead than this crowd. You can hear individual people whistling. Test is in. No reaction. He's doing stuff with a crowbar. No one cares. About anything. Punk is the only guy fans cared about and he did a few moves and spent the rest dead in a corner somewhere. Just like everyone else. Most of the match is people resting. RVD eliminates Punk to a very negative reaction. Test SWERVES Holly and boots him in the face. He allegedly pins him, but the pin was botched and no one knew what happened. RVD is pulled off the top of a pod by his hair. Test follows it up with an elbow drop on a chair from he top of the same pod. He pretty much landed with his whole body on the chair/RVD's head. Lashley enters. As he was about to be let out, Heyman's riot squad deck the ref and won't let him out. He uses the table in his pod to bust the roof and climbs out. Test kind of/sort of goes through one of the chambers. This is bad. The fans are sleeping and I'm not sure the wrestlers are even awake. A spear eliminates Test. Bobby does his posing after knocking Show around and the fans boo, which then fades to indifference. Shoe gets thrown through a pod. He punches his way out of the other side. Lashley wins with a spear. New champion!

DQ Count: 0 out of 6 matches.

I believe Vince took Heyman off booking duties for ECW right after this show. As in, the second he got backstage. The way the first few months of the revival went, it seems like Paul was intentionally trying to get kicked off the writing team for the show. This is for sure one of the worst WWE produced PPVs, both in terms of matches booked and the content of the matches. I guess the story was that Paul wanted Punk to win while Vince thought the fans wanted to see Lashley and a long celebration. Paul repeatedly told Vince that the fans weren't going to go for it and Vince ended up sending him home for being right.

It was just the hour long show but extended to an In Your House length. Except they barely had the roster to support the TV show and had short matches that no one cared about in front of a dead crowd. If you cut out the fluff, I think the whole card could have fit on the hour TV show. The only thing worth seeing was the Hardys/MNM tag match. It was legitimately good. The rest was garbage. The EC was dreadfully boring. The majority of the match was guys just hanging out doing nothing. Not even selling. Just lying down. No one wanted to see Lashley be the champ. I don't know why they took Sabu out of the match on the night of the show and only had Sandman do a post match run in. It's not like they had many real ECW stars, so they should have used all of them for the show. Running the show in Georgia instead of an area where ECW had been popular like Philly/NYC/Florida was also a big mistake.