WWF In Your House 6: Rage In The Cage 2/18/96

 
 

Jake Roberts vs Tatanka

I didn't know Tatanka was still around in 1996. This is actually a Free For All match. Jake looks fucking terrible. This was before he had a custom made shirt, so he just has a cut off shirt that looks like a trash bag. Plus, his nearly all green tights just draw more attention to his body. He should have been wearing black and have more designs on his tights instead of looking like a walking olive. Short and uneventful match that probably made people want to not buy the PPV. Jake wins with a DDT OUTTA NOWHERE. Why are snakes so god damn creepy?


Razor Ramon vs 123 Kid

Cry Baby Match

The loser must wear a diaper. Kid comes out with a Razor teddy bear in a stroller. Razor knocks Kid down and then to the floor. Kid comes back in with a springboard lariat and some kicks. Fall away slam. Kid gets out of the Razor's Edge and bails to the apron. Razor knocks him off. When he heads out, DiBiase throws powder in his face. Ready To Rumble told me that doesn't work. Superfly Splash from Kid. Razor has all kinds of trouble doing the short chokeslam, so he just knees Kid in the face instead. Sleeper from Kid. Razor gets out by crotching Kid on the top rope. Razor rolls through a moonsault, nearly winning. Kid follows it with a spin kick. Super fall way slam! Kid gets powder kicked in his face. Razor's Edge. Another. Razor wins. After the match, he puts Kid in a diaper in the creepiest way possible.

 
 

TO THE BACK. Todd talked to Duke before the match. HHH attacked Drose with his own trash can and cut his hair. IT'S PAY BACK TIME.


Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs Duke Droese

Droese knocks the shit out of HHH. Flair Flips everywhere. King is creepy and hits on Hunter's girl. It's on split screen for some reason. Pedigree is countered with an atomic drop. Big back drop to the floor. Duke is down and out. Instead of giving the girl a headset, they have her talk into the mic. Duke goes flying into the steps. HHH is so small. I mean, he's in shape, but if you look at him in 1996 and him in 1999 on, it's like a totally different guy. Double lariatooo. I'm calling the spinebuster the Dumpsterbuster. Duke hits his finish, which is a titlawhirl slam. Duke gets his trash can in the ring. The ref takes it, but misses the lid. HHH uses it, the ref no doubt saw it, yet he counts the pin anyway.

 
 

We're shown how Yoko left Camp Cornette.

TO THE BACK. Dok Hendrix speaks with Yokozuna, in Yoko's first promo. What a surprise, he speaks perfect English and sounds like a straight gangsta.


British Bulldog vs Yokozuna

Very short, barely 5 minutes. Yoko is too big. He's huge, has trouble getting up, has trouble moving. He's got a FAT ASS! Corny caused a DQ. Vader came out and attacked Yoko. Yoko is handcuffed to the ropes so Vader and Bulldog can knock him around. Yoko fights back as much as he could. Officials eventually break it up.

 
 

Owen Hart vs HBK

HBK is putting his title shot at WM on the line. HBK enters from the roof, Tarzan style. UN BE LIEVABLE! HBK heads right into the ring and throws Owen out so he can dance. Did women really find his super girly dancing to be sexy? I get women and gay guys being into a buff dude doing sexy dancing, but HBK's dancing was so goofy. Who would find that attractive? They lock up, only for HBK to slide out and do a lap around ringside. He kissed a YAK with terrible hair. Really disliked this era of HBK. He was probably in his physical prime, but he spent so much time doing stupid shit like that. Owen tries the same thing. HBK dives on him. More comedy spots in the match. I don't even know who he's supposed to appeal to. Middle aged women? Owen stops that shit with a belly to belly. Owen should just stomp HBK's dick in the dirt. Spinning heel kick sends HBK to the floor. Corny almost gets some cheap shots in, but Earl caught him. Owen gets suplexed to the floor. HBK tries something off the apron, only to get crushed with a powerslam. Missile dropkick. Lariatooooooo. Sharpshooter! HBK nearly gets to the ropes. Owen pulls him back. He eventually made it back to the ropes. Enzriguri! The move that put HBK out of action last year. HBK makes his come back. Flying forearm. Flying elbow. Owen dodges the superkick. HBK dodges the enzuiguri. Superkick! HBK is going to WM! This is a match that on paper should be amazing, but instead Shawn spends most of the match treating it as a complete joke and doing comedy spots. Then he dances with a kid after the match. This era of HBK is the worst to me. It's not at all a surprise that he did shitty numbers on top seeing how he was booked.

 
 

TO THE TODD. Todd brings acting president Roddy Piper, who makes reference to Michael Jackson and bookermen. The second being a reference to Brian Pillman's worked shoot at Superbrawl a few weeks prior. He officially announced HBK is the number one contender at WM. He doesn't feel bad for Yoko if he's that big and that dumb. Vader is obviously inbred, wears a jockstrap on his head, but it belongs there because Vader's nuts. Vader vs Yoko vs WM. Cornette and Mason come up to the stage. Redneck jokes. Cornette puts this shit head in his place. Piper spanks him. God damn, Roddy Piper after 1992 is awful.


Diesel vs Bret Hart WWF Championship

Steel Cage Match

Diesel is basically the first tweener WWE had. At Survivor Series, he showed a little sympathy to Bret and it bit him in the ass, so he beat the shit out of Bret and has had a bad attitude ever sense. But he isn't a full heel. He's Kevin Nash. The cage gets used very early, with Diesel being the first one to hit it. Bret tries to leave. Nash climbs up and does his knees in the corner while standing on the top rope with Bret against the cage. Diesel picks Bret up in a bear hug and rams Bret into the cage. He tries to walk out the door. Bret hit the top rope, then headbutt Nash in the balls. They both fight over getting out, with Bret eventually giving it up to work over Nash's knee. Nash stops it by a short arm lariatoooo. Side slam. Bret climbs up. Nash goes for the door. Bret saw it out of the corner of his eye and went back to the leg. Press slam from the top. Poor Bret. He recovers with a second rope bulldog. Back suplex from Nash. More knee work. Diving elbow to the knee. Corner bump! Sounded extra vicious with the cage rattling as well. Bret nearly gets out. He's pulled back by his hair. Another corner bump. Bret shoves off Snake Eyes, sending Nash into the cage. Sharpshooter! Not quite. Diving elbow from the top rope. Nash hits a low blow while Bret is climbing. Bret then falls right on his balls again on the top rope. As Diesel is about to make it out, the Undertaker pops up from under the ring and pulls him down. Bret climbs out and smoke comes from the hole in the ring. Moments later, Nash pops out with his pants torn. Undertaker follows. Nash climbs out of the cage. The show ends not with Bret celebrating, but Taker playing mind games with Diesel. Title retained.

 
 

DQ Count: 1 out of 6 matches. Non-televised matches included Ahmed defeating Issac Yankem, Godwinns defeating the Bodydonnas, and Undertaker defeating Goldust by count out.

Cage match is good. One of Nash's best. HBK/Owen is probably the most disappointing match possible considering those two could have an amazing match and instead HBK works it as a comedy match, sells for a little bit, then pops up and wins with no problems. Then dances with some kid.

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