WWF Smackdown 7/26/01

Screw what Steve Austin has to say. The question on everyone's mind tonight is: What will Alliance MVP Kanyon be doing?

Hardy Boyz vs Billy Kidman/Gregory Helms

This could be something. JR says that Kidman and Helms could be seen as fan favorites, but Helms is definitely very much a heel, and Kidman is being a sneaky shit himself. Well, if it sounded good on paper, just know it's a 3 minute match that the Hardys decisively won.

TO THE BACK. Big Show comes up with a name for he and Billy Gunn. SHOW-GUNNS. "That is the stupidest name I've ever heard of." Show then berries Billy's old gimmicks, and Billy gets hot.  

Stephanie, Shane, and Paul Heyman come to the ring. Champions roll call! Tag team champions Palumbo and O'Haire! Cruiserweight champion Kidman! WWF Hardcore Champion RVD! WWF Intercontinental Champion Lance Storm! US and WCW Champion Booker T! ALLIANCE MVP KANYON!!! Booker T has given the US Championship to Kanyon! KANYON IS CHAMPION! This is the greatest SD in the history of this great sport. WWF Champion Steve Austin! This brings Kurt Angle out, who is over as fuck. They might have a lot of gold in that ring, but they'll never be an Olympic gold medalist. This is in Pittsburgh, so Kurt is basically a god in this arena tonight. It's incredible. Kurt wants Austin tonight, but instead, Austin mind fucks Booker into defending his title against Kurt. 

TO THE OFFICE. Regal and Tajiri are talking when KANYON pops in. He wants a rematch with Jericho. Regal will only give him a match if he says a tongue twister: She sells seashells by the sea shore 10 times. These mother fuckers. Tajiri/Jericho vs Kanyon/RVD. 

Dudley Boyz vs Show-Gunns

"Classic under achievers", those Show-Gunns. Show is a WCW and WWF champ. Billy Gunn is has held every title besides the WWF Championship, plus is a KOTR winner. Underachievers. Dudleys obviously try to keep Billy in the ring at all times. The name change didn't help Billy and Show get on the same page, and a miscommunication leads to a 3D on Billy. 

The Rock returns to Raw next week!

TO THE BACK. The Alliance watch Rock's return hype video. Booker is fucking HOT about it. 

DDP vs Kane

Oh look, another member of the Taker family is going to beat the living shit out of DDP. That's how it goes for the opening of the match. DDP got some offense, but Kane mostly shrugged everything off. Kane got DQ'd for hitting DDP iwth a chair DDP brought into the ring. JR said it was a somewhat controversial decision by Nick Patrick. Dude just hit someone iwth a chair in the middle of the ring. That's as text book of a DQ as you can get. DDP hit Kane with the chair after the match. Kane chokeslammed Nick Patrick.

TO THE BACK. Lance Storm is disgusted that his first title defense will be against Saturn and tells him to leave that fucking mop in the back. Elsewhere, Edge and Christian look for Kurt, but run into Tazz. They make fun of Tazz's old catchphrases and bounce.

Chris Jericho/Tajiri vs KANYON/Rob Van Dam

Man, Kanyon/RVD would be a pretty amazing spot monkey team. JR has been ranting about "corporate America" practices like giving Kanyon a title for no reason in every segment after that. And saying the same fucking thing word for word each time. Shut the fuck up, Jim. Christ. Between JR shitting on Kanyon for being undeserving of the title and the match itself making him look like a goof, I'm not pleased. Kanyon hits Tajiri with the belt while Tajiri has the tarantula on RVD. RVD follows with the frog splash for the win.

TO THE BACK. Saturn is freaking out because he can't find Moppy. As it turns out, Terri had her and is pissed that Saturn likes the mop more than her. THE MOP OR ME, PERRY? He picked the mop.

Lance Storm vs Saturn WWF Intercontinental Championship

This probably would have been something of a dream match to some people at some point in time. Probably not in an era where Saturn has CTE and is in love with a mop. He's a lot more focused that normal, though. His bacne is OFF THE CHARTS. Lance tried to kill Moppy. What a dick. That's murder! Instead, he wipes his ass with her. Wow. Saturn beats Lance with Moppy, getting himself disqualified. 

TO THE BACK. Shane, Steph, and Paul have a tape for The Rock to remind him of the kind of man Vince really is.

Shane McMahon comes to the ring. He has a video package of all the times Vince has fucked with Rock over the the last year and a half. It's a hard sell to get Rock to join the Alliance on Monday.

TO THE BACK. Austin gets Booker hyped up to beat Angle.

Edge & Christian vs Tazz/Rhyno

Jesus Christ, why are there so many tag matches on this show? Fuck Edge. Fuck Tazz. Just give me a Christian/Rhyno KOTR rematch. Excessive as heck. You have a roster of 80 dudes. You don't need to load the shows up with tag matches so as to not give away big matches. Edge sidesetps a GORE, which hits Christian, who was trapped in a Tazzmission. Christian landed on Tazz and won the match.

TO THE BACK. Kurt Angle gets warmed up.

Kurt Angle vs Booker T WCW Championship

As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I take a look at myself and...uh...nevermind. Sorry. Kurt seems to have Booker's number from the get go, both in the ring and on the floor. This is Kurt's night! Kurt can't even hit the moonsault when he's a face. How sad. Things briefly head into the crowd, and Booker argues with Earl. Hey. Why is Earl Hebner reffing this WCW title match? Seems like it should definitely be a WCW official. Why didn't they bring in ECW refs? Kurt hits a superplex, which sends The Alliance and WWF rosters out to ringside to brawl. Kanyon sneaks in the ring to hit Kurt with a chair. I love Kanyon playing a key role in both shows this week. The match of course continues after the big brawl just kind of disappears. After this, there is a god damn ref bump. We're really looking at a match that had a 20 person run in and then had a ref bump after. Angle gets Booker in the ankle lock, but Austin ran down to hit a stunner. Kurt recovers and reapplies the ankle lock. Earl comes to to see the tap out. NEW CHAMPION! KURT ANGLE IS WCW CHAMPION!    

The SD sound machine has always existed, but when Kurt was on screen, that crowd sure as hell looked and sounded real as all heck, and the were MOLTEN.