WWF Wrestlemania 10
10 years of Wrestlemania! Can you believe it? Back where it all began, Madison Square Garden. Little Richard sings America The Beautiful.
Bret Hart vs Owen Hart
Regardless of outcome, Bret will face the winner of Yokozuna vs Lex Luger for the WWF Championship in the main event. This is genuinely the first time Bret and Owen have squared off against each other, even including house shows. In the early moments, Owen actually out does Bret multiple times. There is a sizable chunk of the MSG crowd that is supporting Owen. As tends to happen with brothers, tempers flair early. Especially with the younger brother being a little shit head. When Owen slaps Bret, I've been on both sides of that while wrestling with cousins. When you're the younger sibling/cousin, you're going to take liberties and be a little asshole. And then one day you're the older one and this little shit slaps you and you see red. It's the responsibility of the elder to keep his cool in these types of confrontations. That's actually something brought up by Vince, wondering if Bret will have the killer instinct to put his little brother away. What is clear is that Owen has the killer instinct. He uses all kinds of cheap shots and then uses the ring post to begin focusing on Bret's back. Owen's belly to belly really was a work of art, wasn't it? This is very much worked like a mid-late 80s Stampede match, which is pretty dope to me. Good thing Taker isn't on this show, because he'd probably be HOT at the use of a tombstone in this. A tombstone was basically a suplex in Stampede, though. I'm sure he'd be extra hot when Bret was on offense about 30 seconds after taking a tombstone. Neither Vince nor King brought up Taker. Bret tweaks his knee late in the match, giving Owen a big opening to end the match. Bret fires back, with OWEN being the one to take the sternum bump in the corner, and piledriver of his own from Bret. Bret tries a victory roll, and Owen counters it to win COMPLTELY clean. I love this. It could have gone on another 20 minutes as far as I'm concerned.
TO THE TODD. Todd caught up with Owen, still having spittle in the corner of his mouth. Owen is now officially the best there is, was, and ever will be.
Oh shit, SY SPERLING is introduced, showing he's latest work: The Fink with hair.
Bam Bam Bigelow/Luna Vachon vs Doink/Dink
Fuck. How do you follow up a classic like Bret/Owen with this trash? Doink isn't even Matt Bourne anymore, it's Ray Apollo, who before being Doink was likely best known as doing a few NJPW matches and being teamed up with Rocco Rock (as Sgt. Kreuger) at Starrcade 1990. Peep Vince's Mid Atlantic accent coming out when he says, "water". If Bam Bam doesn't squash Dink, fuck everything. Why are Dink and Luna having a better match than Doink and Bam Bam? This shit is absurd. LMAO at Bam Bam and Luna trying to squish Dink after the match only for Luna to actually land on Dink accidentally.
OH SHIT IT'S PRESIDENT CLINTON! In the box with President Tunney. And IRS.
Randy Savage vs Crush
Falls Count Anywhere
A feud so hot even Vince was taking bumps on TV for it. This will be Macho's final Wrestlemania, and he starts it appropriately by flying outside and attacking Crush at the entrance. Crush hits a snake eyes on the guard rail, the same thing that happened at the Macho/Crush summit and kicked this whole thing off. Crush scores the pin, and Macho has 60 seconds to get back to the ring. So it's actually more of a Texas death match, but since that wasn't explained, everyone was like wtf when Macho got pinned in 40 seconds. Lol, the pinfalls have to happen outside of the ring. And then you have 60 seconds to get back in. So you have Macho hitting the elbow drop, rolling Crush to the floor, and pinning him. This dumb shit. Crush's head audibly cracks off the ring post and he stiffens up right after, so I'm sure that will be great for the rest of the match. Things head TO THE BACK, where Randy ties up Crush's feet and uses a pulley to hang him upside down on some scaffolding equpiment. Crush, on account of being a little tied up, can't make it back to the ring. What a stupid match, a shitty end to a shockingly good feud, and a limp finish to Randy's WWF career.
TO THE TODD. Todd gets a few words with President Clinton. This is all just to set up a joke about the Clinton's tax issues at the time.
TO THE FANFEST! Like Axxess, but smaller.
TO THE PARAMOUNT THEATRE: Macho celebrates with fans in the theatre.
Leilani Kei vs Alundra Blayze WWF Women's Championship
No one is interested in this. Madusa wins with the German suplex. If you're MADe in the USA, why is your move a GERMAN suplex?
TO THE TODD. Todd tries to talk to Rhonda Shear only for HBK to swoop in and steal his lady. Then Burt Reynolds steals her and tells Shawn to shave his chest.
The Quebecers vs Men on a Mission WWF Tag Team Championships
Man, what the fuck. This is WRESTLEMANIA. MOM won via count out. In a title match. At WRESTLEMANIA.
Rhonda Shear and Donnie Walberg come out to mostly indifference and some boos. Rhonda will be the time keeper, while Dawny is the special announcer. I'm not sure NKOTB is the same target audience as a Yokozuna match.
Lex Luger vs Yokozuna WWF Championship
Special Referee: Mr. Perfect
Whoever wins, we all lose, because having Lex or Yoko doing double duty is fucking stupid. The winner of this match will face Bret in the main event. Lex is trying his hardest, so that should give you an idea of who is going to win. Of course, this is boring as shit, because Yoko is 500 pounds and has to wrestle again in an hour. Hope you like your nerve holds, brehs. Lex slams Yoko, kind of. He follows that by KOing Yoko with the metal forearm. Cornette and Fuji get in the ring, so Lex beats them up. Perfect checks on them and Lex shoves him to count the pin, so Perfect disqualifies him. You read that right. It's WRESTLEMANIA and they just followed a title match ending by count out with a title match ending by DQ. LOUD BULLSHIT chants break out, loud enough that Vince has to acknowledge it.
TO THE TODD. Todd tried to get Perfect's reasoning on this shit. Lex follows them to the back and officials have to keep them separated.
Harvey Wippleman gives Fink a whole lot of shit, then rips his tex. So Fink shoves him. This brings out Adam Bomb, and then Earthquake.
Adam Bomb vs Earthquake
Quake squashes Adam. Completely. Zero offense from Adam. Quake wins in like 30 seconds.
TO THE TODD. Cornette and Yoko celebrate their win.
Razor Ramon vs Shawn Michaels WWF Intercontinental Championship
They can't possibly run a bullshit finish to this...can they? Can't put it past them at this point, I suppose. It doesn't take long for Diesel to get involved and ejected for said involvement. What does take a while is for the ladder to get involved. It's a good few minutes into the match, and by that point there had been multiple floor bumps. HBK uses the ladder first. Jesus Christ, he's just chucking it across the ring lmao. Christ. A good chunk of the audience definitely got to see HBK's balls. Of course, HBK is the one jumping from the ladder repeatedly, and Razor has basically been all but dead since the ladder first made its way into the match. And that same ladder is what turns the tide for Razor. Live by the ladder...or something like that. And when the ladder is used as a melee weapon, there is no bullshit set the ladder up as a teeter totter nonsense, it's just blasting each other as hard as they can. Through all the abuse, the ladder gets bent to shit. Eventually, HBK gets knocked off the ladder and gets his leg caught in the ropes. Razor is able to climb the ladder and grab both titles, becoming the undisputed IC champ. Now, HBK did most of the heavy lifting, but this sure was something. A first of its kind in the WWF (televised, at least), and it still puts the spot heavy ladder matches that came in its wake to shame because it feels like an actual match instead of a stunt show.
TO THE BACK. A collection of heels argue about who will be team captain, so the 10 man tag that was scheduled doesn't happen. Because they couldn't decide on a captain.
TO THE TODD. The President has a meeting with Ted DiBiase. Ted tries to buy him off.
Bret Hart vs Yokozuna WWF Championship
Special Referee: Roddy Piper
God damn it, I can never escape Piper. Yoko enters first, Bret limps out, and Yoko attacks as Bret enters the ring. Hey guess what? That 500 pound dude you saw have a 15 minute match earlier? He's still fucking worn out. What a shocker. That anyone thought it was a good idea to have Yoko do double duty is astounding. Cornette pulls Piper out of the ring during a pin, so Piper decks him. Can you imagine those two squealing and squeaking at each other for 10 minutes? Fuck. This match is SO SLOW. SO DULL. Yoko falls off the ropes doing the banzai drop, which allows Bret to pin him. That's seriously the finish to the main event of Wrestlemania. A fat guy loses his balances on the ropes and gets pinned. New champion. Some of the bigger faces come out to celebrate with Bret. Owen also comes out, and while he's offered open ropes, he looks on with bitterness and jealously.
Even with the genuine WM classics that are Bret/Owen and Razor/HBK, this show is DOG SHIT. Everything that isn't those two matches are as shitty as you can get. To the point where a show with two classic matches is probably in the bottom 5 WMs of all time.