WWE UK Championship Special
I think this is more or less the pilot for the weekly WWE UK show, which seems completely unnecessary to me, but who am I to say. Somehow, Jim fucking Ross has become the voice of British wrestling. Also, lolololol that Nigel and JR are doing the blatant standing in front of a green screen with the audience behind them thing that they used to do in the Hulkamania era.
Wolfgang vs Joseph Conners
I'm not sure why they're doing more character pieces like they didn't introduce these dudes in the UK tournament. Do they really think that people watching this didn't watch the tournament? This ring is creaky as hell. And this is like, a legit ass indie show, with fucking lawn chairs for seats. I love talking about Wolfgang as a "big man". He's not even six feet tall. JR seems a lot more enthused to call this than he does NJPW. There's a story of Wolfgang's size advantage preventing Connors from getting stuff off. It's not particularly interesting. Ol' Wolfy went up top and got knocked to the floor, hitting the apron face first on the way down. This is dull as hell. A match where the "big man" is being dominated and doing underdog babyface shit. Braveheart has been name dropped I think 4 times already. I think that's JR's only Scotland reference. JR has a similar thought on Wolfgang that I have: Why the fuck is this "big man" going to the top rope so often? For some reason I can't at all comprehend, this match goes on for 15 fucking minutes. Wolfgang won with the swanton bomb. You know, Wolfgang is the "big man", right? For sure Jeff Hardy dwarfs him and I'm sure weighs more than him just on the basis of being so much taller.
TO THE BACK. Tyler Bate and Mark Andrews warm up.
TJP/Brian Kendrick vs Dan Moloney/Rich Swann
You know, I'm not sure I can handle this. I've had more than enough TJP for a lifetime. God, TJP's gear looks like fucking trash. I mean, so does Spanky's but Spanky's is intentionally ugly shit. I could have sworn the crowd was chanting "TJ is a wanker". Moloney is the focus of the match for the first few minutes, being stuck in the corner getting his arm wrenched over and over and over. And then TJP does it to Spanky because he wasn't looking. I literally saw this comedy spot at a show from 1995 yesterday. TJP follows that with some Mr. Perfect impressions that just look terrible. This match is also dull as hell. TJP fucking sucks. Moloney is pretty not good either. Spanky's whole thing is low energy intelligence over athleticism spots, leaving Swann being the only guy keeping the energy of this match up. Spanky pinned Moloney with a roll up.
Trent Seven vs Pete Dunne Number One Contendership
I don't even understand this shit. So, there was a show the night before that was taped, but not aired, yet they're showing angles from it for this show, that leads into Takeover Chicago...when that first show I think won't air for months. Pete Dunne comes to the ring with the PROGRESS Championship, and was announced as such. Trent Seven is hilarious. If you've ever seen his promo pictures and what he actually looks like, it's like a before and after pic. Or aater and before, as it were. So at the first night's show, Seven hurt his arm, and Dunne attacked him backstage, injuring it further. Also weird is that if they're going to acknowledge Dunne as PROGRESS champion, they don't acknowledge that these two and Tyler Bate are in a stable together. The crowd acknowledges it, though. The match starts slow, with Trent trying to avoid his arm getting worked. So of course his first offense is a chop and a lariat...with his taped up arm. Pete starts working the arm, not with flowery submissions, but exceptionally cunty strikes. Even when he does do a submission, it's so he can keep hitting the arm while in the old. Fucking lol at this jiggly, pasty Englishman using the Rainmaker as his finish and the Emerald Flowsion as a transition move. I get it, you like puro, dude. Trim your beard. There's a dragon suplex on the apron, but it looked like shit, so I'm not going to gif it. Lmao this flabby fuck really was about to do the burning hammer, too. Dunne wins with his goofy ass pumphandle flatliner that he desperately needs to change. Dunne is legit. Trent Seven can still get fricked. Pete heads to Chicago to face the winner of Bate/Andrews for the title.
Mark Andrews vs Tyler Bate WWE UK Championship
God, Mandrews' theme is the lamest shit. I think it's his band's song, too. Straight garbo pop punk from 2003. These dudes are so tiny, but at least Tyler is about as jacked as you can be at 5'4. Tyler has a new beard and arm tat since the last time the WWE Universe has seen him. He's a man now that he's turned 20, I guess. Lots of stalemates type of spots, not really indie respeck, but just stalemates. A lot of World of Sport holds and counter holds. Oh, there's the actual indie respeck stand off. Frick. And it got a standing ovation. The frick? A spot in every indie and junior match since 1992 gets a standing ovation? Tempers start to flare and the pace picks up, but I'm not feeling this at all. Oh weird, another apron bump on the side facing the hardcam? Fucking lololol at countering an AIRPLANE SPIN with a reverse rana. Just because there are lawn chairs doesn't mean you have to wrestle like assholes, guys. Tyler Driver for the win. Title retained. Pete Dunne comes out and attacks Andrews. William Regal comes out to get in his ass again. It doesn't seem to be working, Regal.
Being that this is indicative of the UK weekly show, it's going to tank as hard as 205 Live. Just put Dunne and Bate in NXT and drop the rest of these scrubs.