NJPW Best Of The Super Juniors 2017 Part 1


Get some normal names, brehs. Does ACH stand for anything or is it just his initials? For some reason, this dude falls for a handshake with an ungovernable person in a mask. You deserve what you get, mayne. I'm very distracted that ACH's pained selling looks like he's doing an over the top cheesy smile. He does a LOT of posing. After almost every move. Bushi hits a hanging DDT on the apron, because the world of wrestling definitely needed more apron bumps 3 minutes into a match. After that, ACH's head/neck becomes the main focus of the match. ACH out here doing comedy spots to get back into the match. The frick. ACH won after two lariats and a Michinoku Driver.

El Desperado vs KUSHIDA

Desperado hits the ol' distract someone with your shirt spot to score an immediate double leg to start the match. It does absolutely nothing but anger Kushida. It also does nothing to Desperado, who hits a dive seconds later and uses all the classic heel tricks, including using a pen/pencil to NOT slice Kushida open. Desperado goes after Kushida's knee. This does not stop Kushida from immediately hitting a series of kicks and a missile dropkick after getting back on offense. Kushida hits a dope avalanche flying cross arm breaker, but frick his leg selling. What this match definitely needed was a ref bump and using a title belt. Desperado won with a pumphandle powerbomb.

Marty Scrull vs Will Ospreay

At least Marty got rid of his man bun. But everything else about him is still fucking stupid. Being another random Bullet Club guy on his debut is about as lame as it gets. Idk why his heel shtick is acting like a comedy pirate, but it is what it is. Two pale, tiny Brits wrestling in Japan. They start out doing traditional "British wrestling". Complete with an indie RESPEK stand off. Over getting out of headscissors. I don't know why Marty flaps his arms like a bird and you're not supposed to laugh at him. I also don't know why Ospreay doing a backflip is shocking and crazy to Marty. Actually, everything Ospreay does seems to stun Marty, despite the two having worked together extensively. Ospreay does a backflip taunt and superhero pose at least 4 times in the first few minutes. Every time Marty hits a big move, his flaps his wings, so I'm convinced he's a comedy character. Even more than I was before this match, where he was essentially doing Young Bucks level ironic heel. God, this is so dumb. Ospreay is acting like these weak ass chops are super brutal and triggering his fighting spirit while looking like a dipshit. There's also no flow or focus to this, with Scurll going from arm to leg and Ospreay not selling either. Every time things get serious, one of them does some dumb comedy spot. Marty still does the SUPER KICK...JUST KIDDING LOL spot, so fuck him. Either do a comedy match, or don't. Awkwardly bouncing back and forth is dog shit and kills any flow of the match. At this point, I'm kind of hoping Ospreay has a short career, because he does so many stupid bumps that anyone with any common sense and knowledge of what happens to guys like that should know their ultimate fate: A wheelchair by 40. I can at least understand the flippy fuckery of Ospreay. Scurll doesn't even have that going for him. He won with a crossface chicken wang. 

Dragon Lee vs Hiromu Takahashi

Oh shit, flippy fuckery incoming. This starts with an extended chop sequence instead of flips and  bumps. This isn' the absurd bump fest I have come to expect from these two, although there are the apron ranas and sunset flip powerbombs to the floor and all that. This was more of the kind of match where they're familiar with all of the other's spots, so they have to come up with a different way to hit them. After a series of ever increasing awkward exchanges, Dragon Lee won with a reverse powerbomb/piledriver thing.

Marty Scurll vs Dragon Lee

Expecting Marty to continue to wrestle like a comedy character. Damn, look at how much more in shape Dragon lee is compared to Marty. Do you even lift, bro? Don't worry, he keeps his comedy spots that make no sense and kill the flow of the match. Keep flapping your wings, you bird legged fuck. Lift some weights. He also sucks at bumping and also is a terrible catcher for drives, so his inclusion in this is something I'm having a real hard time understanding. 

Hiromu Takahashi vs Jushin Liger

Oh man, it would have been great if Liger won with a shotei in the opening second of the match. Then he hits a brainbuster on the floor. He ain't fucking around anymore. He's old, tired, and tired of these young fucks. Weirdly, this is more of the bumpfest I was expecting out of Dragon/Takahashi.  But with more Liger getting pissed. Takahashi wins with the Time Bomb.

Will Ospreay vs Ricochet

Their match in 2016 caused a big kerfuffle over the validity of highly choreographed fuckery. I'm sure they'll be trying to top it with even dumber shit. While you'd expect some nonsense flippy stand offs, they actually start out with trying to out muscle each other. But don't worry, the absurd flippy fuckery happens right after, complete with the super hero poses. Lol at them doing strike battles. Dawgs, ain't no one want to see your weak ass elbows. Do some flips. A lot of Ricochet's focus is on the...back?...chest? Idk, but I am very annoyed that Ospreay has decided to start doing all of Shibata's spots. As "tribute", I'm sure. Despite all the flippy shit, there's only one actual dive in the match, which came from Ospreay. There is finisher theft, though. Quite a bit. Ospreay wins with his springboard cutter, which sucks. Change your finisher, breh.

Ricochet vs Hiromu Takahashi

I'm not sure those one camera house show type shoots is great for a super juniors match. You know there's going to be a bunch of shit on the floor, and you're barely going to be able to see any of it. It's also bad for seeing how much space there is between strikes and guys selling things that are 4 inches away from them. Also, they take it easy because they're in what appears to be a very nice library. Ricochet won with a delayed hanging flatliner. What a weird finisher for a flippy shit dude.

Dragon Lee vs Ricochet

Oh weird, Ricochet is back to his short trunks and isn't even wearing his crown. That mixed with the gym setting makes me expect another disappointing match. I swear every match in this thing has started with guys doing cartwheels out of arm drags and shit. Getting tired of it. It stops being impressive after the 15th time you've seen it on a tour. WILDLY disappointing match with almost nothing going on. Dragon Lee wins via double stomp.

I'm not feeling this tour at all. For starters, everyone seems to blow their wads on the opening night, taking it easy for the next 15 shows, then turning it on the last night of the tour. Secondly, the B block is dogshit. Thirdly, everyone is far too similar in how they work and what moves they do. Everyone has their big apron spot, everyone has some goofy pumphandle move, everyone has a move into the turnbuckles, everyone has a fancy twisty/cartwheely/flippy escape to basic moves, half the field has some kind of Canadian Destroyer variant. It ends up making most of the matches feel pretty interchangeable.