Kaz Hayashi/Leonardo Spanky vs Low Ki/Taka Michinoku
Before the match, Spanky and Kaz get some broads out of the audience and bring them to the ring, one of which gets a very awkward kiss from Spanky. Ki and Spanky start out doing 2 minutes of an opening ROH match. Then the locals get tagged in and Taka keeps trying to bow up for some reason. Lol. Then the big dive sequence comes, ending with Taka rolling back the hands of time to do the no hands jump over the guardrail. Kaz pinned Taka with the Final Cut after Ki accidentally hit Taka with a cartwheel kick. Solid junior action, certainly much better than Spanky's match on the last show.
Faby Apache/Gran Apache/Mini Abismo Negro/Polvo de Estrellas vs Cynthia Moreno/Mascarita Sagrada/Oscar Sevilla/Pimpenla Escarlata
Boy, the fuckery chart is broken. Men, women, midgets, and exoticos. Then you add gimmicks on top of that, like a matador and pirate. Then just basic lucha fuckery. And it's in Japan. Oh my god the exoticos stuff is looooooooool at hell. Out here wrasslin like 64 year old grannies. Like if the Golden Girls had a wrestling match. Unsurprisingly, the minis blow everything else out of the water, with Sagrada doing some crazy shit like a rana from the top rope to the floor...past the guardrail. And landing on his feet. Dude was 39 at the time of this match. The heck. Lmao these brehs punching Cynthia. This match is ABSURD. So much lucha fuckery. Wonderful. Sagrada pinned Gran Apache with a super flippy dippy sunset flip.
TO THE EVIL LAIR. Generalissimo Takada speaks with one of his underlings. He now has a tall blonde with him. Just then, Mick Foley walks in with his barbed wire bat, speaking in broken English with an accent.
TO THE BACK. Kawada gets his pump on and has a young boy there just to kick when he feels like it. Lmao.
TO THE CORINO. Steve Corino cuts a promo in Japanese, with what should be deemed an offensive accent, shitting on Dusty Rhodes, Riki Choshu, Ogawa, and Hashimoto.
Steve Corino vs Dusty Rhodes
Corino comes out mocking Hashimoto. He then ran around the arena in the dark so he could attack Dusty from behind on the ramp. What a HEEL. He repeatedly attacks Dusty's knee, and of course both men are quickly busted open. Fucking lol at following up the ridiculous lucha fuckery match with men, women, cross dressers, and midgets with 59 year old Dusty Rhodes. Dusty won after a boot shot and the bionic elbow. After the match, Dusty offered to bury the hatchet and shake Corino's hand, but ol' Stevie is a cunt and refused.
TO THE OFFICE. Hashimoto had a chat with Zebra Man, which seemed to be about Zebra Man being a fucking loser and needing to show some fighting spirit soon or else. So, to find himself, Zebra Man went to a zoo.
Zebra Man vs Tiger Jeet Singh
Oh boy. Sabu is out with Tiger for some reason. Tiger used every heel tactic and beat Zebra man with a choking pin in a few minutes. After the match, Tiger and Sabu put a beating on Zebra Man until...DUSTY RHODES AND STEVE CORINO came back out. I guess they did bury the hatchet after all. Tiger then tries to start a riot as Sabu and security tried to stop him. Zebra Man grabbed a mic. "You teach me...terrific!" Dusty then challenges Sabu and Tiger to a match at HUSTLE 4, with Corino being his partner. NOW they shake hands.
Riki Choshu vs Adammonster
Lmao, Riki won in about 2 minutes.
TO THE EVIL LAIR. Takada is with Mark Coleman and Dan Bobish. They are MONSTAH! Just then, THE OUTSIDERS walk in. They'll be facing Ogawa and Hashimoto tonight.
TO THE BACK. Ogawa and Hashimoto discuss events. Hashimoto got them some sweet new robes.
Dan Bobish/Mark Coleman vs Shinjiro Otani/Wataru Sakata
RELAX. DON'T DO IT. Bobish sure is a HOSS and a half. Still loooooling at Coleman's garbage worked strikes. At least his suplexes look good. Dan's shit talk game is on point, too. I also love that Otani hits Coleman harder than Coleman was getting hit in actual fights at the time. I guess he figured Mark could take it since he was a real fighter. No chill. Sakata was forced to tap to a head and arm choke.
TO THE BACK. The Monster Army runs into one of the exoticos coming out of the ladies room.
WHITE WOMEN STRIP. Then some dude in a thong comes out to lip sync an early to mid 2000s R&B song. He dances, tries to show his asshole, and then falls when running to the back.
Masato Tanaka/Tetsuhiro Kuroda/Tomoaki Honma vs Kintaro Kanemura/Sabu/Gladiator Dynamite Hardcore HUSTLE Weapons Death Match
ECW fuckery to fit in with old man fuckery, lucha fuckery, and WCW fuckery. Jesus CHRIST Honma's rana to the floor to Kanemura. Kanemura basically just grazed the table and landed in the gap between the platform and guardrail. After a few minutes of brawling, the stage starts shooting smoke and a guitar magically appears. Another timer goes off and this time a BICYCLE IS ON THE RAMP. HE'S GOT A BICYCLE! Lmao, one of Kanemura's dudes gets lariated off of it. The next weapon to pop up is a trash can. The next weapon is GIANT SILVA! Lmao. Awesome pinned Honma with an avalanche Awesome Bomb on a table. ECFMW!
Generalissimo Takada appears before the live crowd to make a statement. I don't know what he said, but fans laughed a few times.
Toshiaki Kawada vs Mick Foley Triple Crown Championship
Before the match, Foley cuts a promo saying he doesn't need his barbed wire bat to beat Kawada, and he will instead do it traditional style. Which is the opposite of what the promo earlier in the show said. Is he SWERVING the great fans in Yokohama? What a dream match! As in, fever dream match. 2004 Mick Foley trying to do a straight match with Kawada. Bizarre. After a few minutes of that not working, Mick gets his bat and some chairs. So now you have Kawada doing a Mick Foley match. Also bizarre. The bat gets teased a few times but never actually gets used. This is as ugly of a match as you'd expect. Kawada won with the Dangerous K kick. Titles retained.
The Outsiders vs Naoya Ogawa/Shinya Hashimoto
Hall seems very excited for this. In good shape, looks like he's having fun. Nash, not as much. Although he does take some bumps, at least. Hashimoto and Nash have a big show down, remembering their match in the 90s where Nash as Oz threw a headkick. STRIKE BATTLE! Lol. This is actually better than Kawada/Foley. Hall and Nash are always an underrated team. They knew how to work a good tag match even when being lazy. Hall got pinned with the STO/German suplex combo.
After the match, as Hashimoto and Ogawa speak to the crowd, the feed is hijacked by Generalissimo Takada to shit talk. Then Hashimoto and Ogawa invited some dude in a cowboy hat to do the HUSTLE to end the show.
Fuckery overload in the most wonderful of ways. Old guys bleeding and attacking fans, lucha fuckery mixed with sexual identity fuckery, WCW fuckery, ECW fuckery with a bicycle and Giant Silva as weapons, Mick Foley, backstage segment, a man named Zebra Man going to a zoo to stare at a zebra. It had it all. All time classic show.