WWF Monday Night Raw 7/5/93
TO THE USS INTREPID. Various American athletes from all walks of life attempted to body slam Yokozuna. After all hope for America was lost, a helicopter flew in. BUT WHO WAS CHOPPER?!?!?
Why it was...it was... LEX LUGER! He shoves Bobby Heenan out of the way upon walking to the ring. Since KOTR, he's had an itch that became an rash, and Yoko/Fuji are a cancer on the WWF and AMERICA! "...overstuffed, sushi eating, rice choppin' wrestler you call a champion..." Lex Luger slams Yokozuna! It was UNBELIEVABLE! AMERICA AND LEX LUGER WOULD NOT BE DENIED!
Blake Beverly vs 123 Kid
Blake looks like he's had a rough couple of weeks. No longer grooming, looks like he hasn't been in the gym. Hey, where the fuck are Kid's eyebrows? Blake starts the match by slapping Kid. I'd love to think that this is part of an angle where Blake was falling into a deep depression due to the brain damage caused by the Steiners, the loss of the Genius, and his brother leaving the company. He's no longer shaving his chest, has stubble, his roots are showing. Now he's in the ring with the jobber that beats stars, and he knows he's time is up. After this, he likely found a junkie in the alley and spent the next 3 years in a drug feuled haze until WCW found him picking up shit at Col. Parker's Studd Stable. It's a cautionary tale on the dangers of CTE. Obviously, he doesn't take the Kid seriously, and it costs him the match.
TO THE SUBWAY. Men On a Mission are hippin' and hoppin'.
TO THE BACK. Luna hypes up Bam Bam.
Bam Bam Bigelow vs Joey Maggs
Very, very, very short squash that Bam Bam won with a corner splash in like 25 seconds.
An ad for All American Wrestling airs. Awkwardly, it features Brain holding a bunch of cash saying the WWF would spare no expense to keep he and Mean Gene happy. Both would be gone from the company before 1994.
Samu vs The Undertaker
Loooool at Taker trying a drop down > leap frog spot and it going hilariously bad. He follows it up with a drop toe hold, and Macho is amazed that Taker is suddenly doing a bunch of stuff we've never seen from him before. A dropkick? The fuck? There's kind of a weird subtext here that Paul Bearer is the one actually holding Taker back from being a real wrestler. Paul isn't with him and he's suddnely doing leap frogs and dropkicks like it ain't no thang. Taker won with the tombstone.
Fuji and Yokozuna come out to confront Vince. Fuji is saying that what Lex did was a hip toss, not a body slam. He's also a cheater, so Lex will not get his title shot at Summerslam. But they will give anyone a shot at Yoko right now, as long as they aren't Lex. This brings out Crush. Crush vs Yoko is on for next week!
Mr. Perfect vs Brian Costello
Perfect takes wraps his gum around the large Raw girl before the match like a complete piece of shit. What a fucking asshole. He very quickly wins with the Perfect Plex.
Strange show. All the jingoistic stuff is whatever, but then you have Taker randomly doing leapfrogs and dropkicks, then Mr. Perfect continuing his quest to be the biggest asshole possible to the Raw Girls.