WCW Monday Nitro 1/17/00
TO THE BACK. A limo arrives with a "Nash N L" license plate. Why, yes, it's the new WCW Commissioner, Kevin Nash! Plus Scott Steiner and Jeff Jarrett. BUT WHO WAS LIMO!?!?!
Billy Kidman vs Psychosis
Nitro comes to you live from THE Ohio State University, which means there is no need for entrances for these multiple time cruiserweight champions. After this match, the announcers will cover all of the events of Souled Out. Kidman is put over has having gone from a top cruiserweight to a top star in general last night. Is it as weird to anyone else that 17 years later, Kidman is the main guy keeping WWE shows on time? And that Charles Robinson is still reffing shows on WWE TV? Meanwhile, Psychosis is still working in Mexico as Nicho el Millonario/Nicho/Psicosis. Actually, pretty much all of the lucha dudes from this era are still working in Mexico as of 2017. Rey/Psychosis/Juvi/La Parka/El Dandy/Damian/Silver King/etc. Still getting booked a decade and a half later. Neither Mexico nor Japan give a fuck at all about the age of their competitors. Japan was still booking 70+ year old Funk Brothers and Mil Mascaras in 2016 as well. This a pretty normal "pop the crowd" type cruiser match. Kidman kicks out of the guillotine leg drop, which might be a first in WCW. I would really like to know who decided Hypnosis should have dropped his mask in America. Kidman wins with the YOU CAN'T POWERBOMB KIDMAN. There was a mixed reaction to it.
Last night, both Bret Hart and Jeff Jarrett were stripped of their respective title due to injuries. Double J's US Championship was not decided on the card, but Chris Benoit and Sid had a match for the vacant WCW Championship, which Chris Benoit won. However, special referee Arn Anderson admits that he fucked up his call, which saw Sid tap out to the crossface while his legs were under the ropes. Therefore, the result of the match is declared a no-contest, and the title is again vacant. Now, the real story is that Chris Benoit (along with Saturn, Eddie, and Dean) had been given his release either the night of or night after the PPV, but Kevin Sullivan put the title on Benoit in an attempt to make him stay with the company. It didn't work. Going forward, WCW didn't recognize Benoit as a WCW Champion, but WWE does. Even weirder, there was a spot earlier in the match where Benoit was pinned, but his foot was under the ropes, so it is obvious that WCW had planned for a fuckery reversal the next night, which makes me wonder why they didn't just put the title on Sid to begin with. The Radicalz were leaving anyway. There was no reason to put the title on Benoit, because it definitely wasn't going to make him stay with the company.
TO THE BACK. Commissioner Nash heads to his office with Scott Steiner and Jeff Jarrett.
TO THE MEAN SUCKA. Gene talks with Booker and Midnight about Stevie bringing in Big T to replace him. Booker hasn't forgotten about the neighborhood.
Stevie and Big T then come to the ring to respond. Stevie's pants are so fucking high. Ahmed's clothes could not be tighter. Stevie will give Booker another chance if he comes out right now. This seems like a pretty obvious trap. "I can see you've been shopping at the same place Mike Tenay been shopping at. That's cool. That's cool!" Lmao. Booker attacks Ahmed. Ahmed hits the Pearl River Plunge and promptly falls over like he got shot in the back. Nick Patrick hits the ring and a match starts.
Big T vs Booker T
Ahmed Johnson's WCW in ring debut has him in jeans and wearing a fanny pack against Booker in dress clothes. Booker hits the Book End. Stevie jumped up on the apron, so Booker drilled him. Ahmed them immediately got up and hit Booker with a slap jack to win. Ahmed no sold both of Booker's finishers in a 2 minute match.
TO THE BACK. The Mamalukes get Disco hyped up.
Disco Inferno vs Vampiro
This piece of shit Vampiro. Disco is a lot more aggressive and serious than usual. He loses even with The Mamalukes interfering for him a few times.
TO THE BACK. Scott Steiner shows Kevin some broads he's brought in for the night. Scott wants to play Twister. "Nothing sexist, Scotty. Nothing sexist."
3 Count vs David Flair/Crowbar WCW Tag Team Championships
PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER! Standards and Practices come out about a minute in. Shannon takes a gnarly double backdrop that saw him hit the ropes and land on his hip with a thud and no give. Evan hits on Daffney, who hisses at him. David sees it and whacks Evan with the crowbar. The match continues for a bit with Crowbar by himself, which seems like it was a set up for 3 Count to get a title win, but then Crowbar easily beats them both anyway. Titles retained.
TO THE BACK. Nash sends the women away and the nWo has a discussion on how to get rid of the Old Age Outlaws, which Nash just could not say.
The Maestro vs Tank Abbott
OOH LAH LAH. Tank gets a pretty big reaction coming out. ONE PUNCH KO! Norman Smiley comes out in football gear. Norman baits Tank to fight him, then MENG shows up behind him. Tank and Meng have a face off. Norman tries to keep Meng from fighting.
TO THE BACK. The roster heads to the ring. Elsewhere, the nWo heads to the ring.
Commissioner Kevin Nash heads to the ring to the strains of Hail To The Chief. Nash's DCAU suit is something. Nash BERRIES the roster as a whole, then picks out Tenay, Tank, Knobs, and Norman to make a Wizard of Oz reference. GET IT?!? "Wait a second, I sound like Oz up here! What the hell, ahahahah!" Nash returns the US Championship that was stripped from Double J the night before. This is awful. So much down time, Nash stumbling over his lines. Nash has a new set of rules: Mandatory rectal exams before every match. All levels of talent will change in the same locker room. Talent are not to look at Nash and shall refer to him as Lord Master (Blaster). No one can ask him what is going on with the world title. No longer will illegal substances be allowed in the locker room. Dogs are searching to find all the Viagra. "I hate to point anybody out here, but Lex, I'm sorry." Lol. "Buff, I got to know: You doing Kim or what?" Dying at how completely unenthused the roster is with this shit. They all look so miserable having to hear this shit. He's making DDP vs Buff with Kim as the ref tonight. What a terrible, terrible segment.
TO THE BACK. Kim meets with Nash, who presents her with her outfit, then asks if Buff or DDP had a better dick game.
The Varsity Club come to the ring. IRS' mic doesn't work, then a random graphic for Souled Out pops up on the screen momentarily. Seems like a great omen for the rest of their time on screen.
Varsity Club vs Team 2000
Team 2000 started because Masahiro Chono got injured while leader of nWo Japan, then came back and Keiji Mutoh had turned the group face. He didn't like this, so he formed a splinter group that was decidedly heel to feud with the face nWo in NJPW. Why they're randomly on Nitro is anyone's guess. With him is Super J, the former nWo Sting, and IRS was actually a member of the group for a time, having left nWo Japan for T2000, then leaving T2000 to return to WCW. Chono and IRS seem very pissy with each other. How weird to have this angle play out on a random Nitro where the audience has no fucking clue of what's going on beyond what Mike Tenay has said (and he didn't actually even get it right, implying Chono and J were still in nWo Japan and that Chono was mad at IRS for leaving nWo Japan when he had in fact defected from nWo Japan to Chono's new stable). Steiner stiffs the fuck out of Stink. There are alternating chants of "This Match Sucks" and "Michigan Sucks". These T2000 space suits are so weird. So is this match. Especially considering how the match style has become 2-3 minute trash with wonky finishes, and here is this much longer NJ style tag match in the middle of the show after a 15 minute rambling Nash promo. With two guys the audience barely knows against two other guys the audience doesn't give a shit about. And Mike Rotunda is given the focus of the match. In 2000. There's a lot of awkward brawling in this, too. Rick hadn't had a match like this in quite a while and is completely spent. IRS has Chono in a small package. Stink rolls it over and Chono wins. Chono also looks dead on his feet. What a mess.
TO THE BACK. The Wall and Sid head to the ring.
Sid vs The Wall
Remember when these guys had that wonderful handshake at the end of last year? They seem ready to kill each other now. Sid completely squashes Wall. Lol.
TO THE BACK. Disco and the Mamalukes talk with Nash. Nash makes a Vinnie Vegas reference and sends them out to the ring to beat up Sid.
Sid wins with the chokeslam. Disco and The Mamalukes hit the ring and are immediately crushed. Well, Disco was smart enough to walk away from this nonsense. Sid is over as fuck.
TO THE BACK. Scott Steiner heads to the ring with two women.
Scott Steiner comes to the ring and attacks the Buckeyes' mascot. Pamela Paulshock is in a Michigan State cheerleader's uniform and is looking hot as balls. After getting his hootchie line set up for after the show, he shits all over The Ohio State and sings the Michigan fight song. "NO YOU SUCK. OHIO STATE SUCKS." Scott pulls a fan over the guard rail, bloodied his face up, then tries to get someone else to jump the rail. He's outta control!
TO THE BACK. Liz and Lex had to the ring.
Total Package vs Bam Bam Bigelow
No thanks. Kanyon came out and cost Bam Bam the match.
TO THE BACK. DDP, Kim, and Buff head to the ring. Elsewhere, the nWo are very excited for the match.
Buff Bagwell vs DDP
Special Referee: Kimberly
This match starts pretty much how their match left off the night before: Brawling and heading into the crowd. Buff hits the Blockbuster. As he's posing. Kim runs into him and gets knocked down. It sure looked like she completley fucked up her spot. It looked like she was supposed to be standing behind Buff when he threw his arms back, but she wasn't, so she just ran into him after he had already dropped his arms. Looked amazing. DDP hits the Kanyon Cutter for the win. BANG! Kim doesn't look happy and leaves without celebrating with her husband.
That Nash thing was about as bad as it gets.