WCW Monday Nitro 2/7/00
On Thunder, Double J booked Sid in in 3 gimmick matches, ending the show with Sid getting laid out with a guitar shot. Again.
TO THE BACK. Double J tells the rest of the group that he's got a big surprise for Terry Funk. Kevin Nash is again MIA. During this whole segment, 3 Count's song was playing.
3 Count's song keeps playing and skipping and idk what the fuck is happening here. It turns out that Norman Smiley was fucking with the song in the truck. This is horrible.
Norman Smiley vs Evan Karagias
THE REMATCH. You know, Shannon Moore is fucking jacked for a little dude. Great delts. Norman rolled through a roll through to win. Lmao, DANNY HODGE is at ringside popping for Norman Smiley. Norman challenges the three of them to a handicap match at SuperBrawl.
TO THE BACK. J Biggs brings cops into the locker room looking for illegal contraband. Luckily, it was just Booker's flame gear. Elsewhere, the nWo head to the ring. Elsewhere elsewhere, a limo arrives. It's....BROADS! And Ric Flair. BUT WHO WAS LIMO?!?!?
The nWo comes to the ring. Scott Steiner is dressed like Prince. Hall doesn't do the survey. He almost does, but then he gives the mic to a Harris Brother. FUCK. "As you can see, when Big Poppa Pump comes to town, all my hoochies come around. But it's just a damn shame that we had to leave LA, come to this cesspool called Tulsa. But last night when I was kicking it in the Bootyo, provin' that I was the dadday, that I was the king of the night, but I'm not one to brag. Midajah, Kim, why don't you tell them what it's like to be with the purple warrior." Then the hoochies get to talk. "Now last week, I was watchin' TV and I watched a 53 year old man come out here who has more loose skin than a shar pei puppy, come out here and say he's still the man. I seen Ric Flair number 2, the Nature Boy, come out here, who's been the butt end of all the jokes 'cuz he's supposed to be the limousine riding, jet flying son of a gun, but I'm saying ONE TIME you shoulda took a cab and used that money to fix your shhcrooked, yellow teeth! So I had to ask myself: If WCW was gonna nnnnnn hire the Nature Boy number 2, why wouldn't they hire the Nature Boy, the original Nature Boy, Buddy Rogers? Now I ahwyeaty know that Buddy Rogers is dead, God rest his soul, but Ric Flair, your career is dead. And I know as he lays 6 feet under, he's still stylin' and profilin', 'cuz when you used yer little brain and stoled his name, there's one thing you couldn't steal and that was his class. So when you walked down that aisle last week, I know I wasn't alone 'cuz the people at home, all they did was grab their remote, change the channel to the WWF and watch Stone Cold, a person you and your old friends got fired from here, 'cuz you're a jealous old bastard! So Ric Flair, remember this: In this wrestling business, there's never been an ass kissin', butt sucking bastard in this business, but also in life you're the biggest ass kissin', backbbback stabbin', butt suckin' bastard! And you belong where you're at, in WCW, 'cuz WCW SUCKS, and so do you." Lmao. Double J gets to follow that shit up by trying to add heat to the feud with Sid that no one cares about. Fans start chanting for Goldberg. He then books Sid vs Hall, and Hall is not happy with that shit.
TO THE BACK. Booker rants to Midnight about how Harlem Heat can't take his dignity.
TO THE MEAN GENE. David Flair will have to meet Terry Funk in an I Quit match tonight. David cuts a weirdly lucid promo as Daffney and Crowbar thumb wrestle.
Booker vs The Wall
LMAO at Booker's music. Some straight up Leave It To Beaver shit. LOOOOL they also took his pyro. Booker starts off hot, gets smashed in the middle, then gets firmly in control again with a side kick and Book End. He goes for the missile dropkick. Wall knocks Booker off the ropes BEFORE J. Biggs has his distraction spot. Lol. Chokeslam for the win. Cops arrest Booker for last week's assault.
TO THE BACK. Knobs storms into the nWo office, hot that he got his arm broken last week by Lex. Elsewhere, Arn confronts Funk about the match with David Flair. Arn will let him know where he stands based on how Terry handles himself in the match.
Elsewhere, Lenny and Lodi chat about their new plans. "Don't worry, I got big plans for us tonight." "Like chasing rats?"
Barbarian vs Tank Abbott
Damn, Barb getting a full jobber entrance. I'll be hot if Tank no sells the big boot. Barb is the first to have the idea to attack Tank as he enters the ring. It almost works. He still got KO'd. Tank's former buddy, Big Al, was in the front row, talking some shit to Tank.
TO THE BACK. Crowbar plays air bass in front of the Demon's casket.
TO THE KID CAM. Kidman recorded Torrie doing her make up.
Oklahoma! He's back! And he's been granted the power to organize a new division in WCW. Oklahoma is the new General Manager of the WCW women's division! "Now, we all know that women have no place in wrasslin'." As part of his role, he will be present for the vigorous physical examinations performed by Dr. Haywood Jetter. GET IT?!?! OK is out here to ask him about Madusa's various surgeries. LIKE HER BIG OL' TITTIES! So, due to all of Madusa's augmentations, she's not allowed in the women's division. This brings Madusa out, BIG OL' TITTIES on full display. She slaps and Crocop's the doctor, then kicks OK in the gut. "YOU ASSHOLE!" Things get really weird when she grinds her heel into the doctor's balls and then kicks him again. As she's leaving, a fan nearly gets a handful of one of those BIG OL' TITTIES. Because she has large breasts, you see.
TO THE BACK. Ric Flair and the broads are watching a shot of...Ric Flair and the broads watching a shot of Ric Flair and the broads watching a shot of...etc etc.
TO THE MEAN GENE. The WCW Championship Committee has met and Terry Taylor will have big news after the break.
TO THE BACK. Terry Funk and David Flair head to the ring.
TO THE MEAN GENE. Terry Taylor announces that Slick Johnson will no longer be the ref at SuperBrawl, and tonight, Hall and Sid will now be a title match.
TO THE BACK. Jeff doesn't like the decision. Hall is kind of miffed.
Terry Funk vs David Flair I Quit Match
David makes Crowbar and Daffney go to the back. He's going to fight this battle, his father's battle, on his own. Terry gives David the chance to quit before the match. "I'll go to hell before I'm quittin'!" Terry calls Ric out, only for David to blast Terry with a chair about 5 times. Of course, this doesn't last long and Terry beats the shit out of David. Multiple piledrivers on the floor. Terry keeps calling for Ric to come stop this, but Ric never shows. Oh no, piledriver on a table! Shades of Music City Showdown! Loud chants of WE WANT RIC break out. Terry pulls out another table, but quits instead of continuing the punishment.
TO THE BACK. Arn Anderson and Mike Tenay were watching in the back. Arn requests a camera crew and he will have a response.
TO THE TENAY. Arn Anderson is no longer proud to call himself a pro wrestler after what he's seen with Funk and Flair. He almost wants to agree with what Scott Steiner had to say. He's bowing out of picking a side on this situation, and, perhaps, the human race itself. You could say he was legit shook.
Disco Inferno vs Stevie Ray
A match the world was clamoring for. Thank god that WCW delivered. Almost immediately, Ahmed and Mamalukes start arguing on the floor and have to be separated by officials. Stevie tries to use the slapjack. Disco knocks it away, gets into a pull apart with the ref, and Stevie hit the real Slapjack for the win.
TO THE BACK. Jeff tries get Hall to back out of his title match.
TO THE MEAN GENE. Sid has a giggle about the dissension being caused in the nWo.
TO THE BACK. Ric Flair leaves with his broads. He's pissed at Arn. BUT WHO WAS LIMO?!?!?!?
Brian Knobs vs Bam Bam Bigelow WCW Hardcore Championship
I guess Finlay is the ref again. Finlay hit Knobs with a chair. New champion. Good. Fucking Knobs.
TO THE BACK. Lenny and Lodi talk shit to Disco and get beaten up by the Mamalukes. Elsewhere, Torrie and Kidman head to the ring.
Kidman vs The Wall
Oh shit, God of Thunder isn't dubbed over. Crowbar is headbanging in the back to the entrance. I don't know if you guys know this, but Demon is a shitty wrestler. He tries, at least. Kidman pins him with a super rana. After the match, Crowbar attacks Kidman, presumably because he won't be able to hear God of Thunder again. He then bows to Demon. Does...does Crowbar think that's actually Gene Simmons?
TO THE BACK. Sid laughs hysterically. Elsewhere, Lex and Liz head to the ring with a HULKSTER logo adorned chair. Elsewhere elsewhere, Scott and Double J go over strategy.
The Total Package comes to the ring. Hogan returned on Thunder and attacked Lex AND Liz. Liz got that Sherri treatment. Lex actually cuts a good promo because he's talking about his body for most of it, and that's the only thing he seemed to ever care about anyway. He calls out Jimmy Hart to give a message to Hulk. Jimmy calls Lex a Hogan wannabe. You won't sell out as many buildings, won't sell as much merch than Hulk Hogan, baby. LMAO, Jimmy says more people visit Hulk at his mailbox than watch Lex at house shows. Way to shit on the company, dawg. "And last but not least, Lex, every time you pick up a check from WCW, baby, you are stealing money." Jimmy doesn't work for Western Union, because he doesn't deliver messages. So Lex puts Jimmy in the torture rack in response for Hogan atomic dropping Liz on Thunder. He broke his dang arm!
TO THE BACK. Sid and Hall head to the ring. Hall does not look enthused to have to work at all. Meanwhile, Sid is chanting his own name.
Sid vs Scott Hall WCW Championship
This is Hall's first match of the year and first match period since December 14th on Thunder. He's looking pretty soft. Sid hits a chokeslam about a minute in. Seconds later, Hall is on offense. Hall hits the fall away slam, which knocks Nick Patrick out. Double J comes out and they double team Sid. Outsider's Edge! HALL IS GONNA BE CHAMPION! Jeff sees this and heads back to the ring and blasts Hall with a guitar. SWERVE! Not only that, he puts Sid on top of Hall and wakes Nick up. Sid wins. Title retained. Steiner and the Harris Bros come out and are like wtf. "Boys, you're either with me, the Chosen One, or that bitch. You make your decision."
Isn't Double J just the worst?