WCW Superbrawl 2000 2/20/00
TO THE MEAN GENE. Gene updates us on Commissioner Nash's leg injury, plus the injury caused by Jeff hitting him with a guitar on Thunder. The remaining nWo (Jeff and the Harris Brothers) walk out of Nash's office. Jeff claims he laid Nash out again and is now acting commissioner. He immediately lifts the ban on the Harris Brothers.
TAFKAPI vs Lash LeRoux WCW Cruiserweight Championship
Lash gave Paisley a slap on the ass to start the match. Short and boring. Paisley was on the apron the whole match and the ref didn't give a fuck. Prince won with the diving DDT. Title retained.
TO THE BACK. Norman gets his ribs taped up. Elsewhere, Gene talks with Nasty Knobs. That fat fuck.
TO THE BACK. Ric Flair hits on both Lex and Liz. Elsewhere, security guard the locker rooms of Sid and Scott Hall.
Bam Bam Big Yellow vs Brian Knobs WCW Hardcore Championship
Terrible match. Knobs wins. New champion.
3 Count vs Norman Smiley
3 Count is here to kick some ass tonight. "Their fan club meets in a phone booth" made Tony pop huge. Shannon went flying on a super back drop that sent him past the floor mats and nearly over his partners. Shane almost kills himself doing a whisper in the wind kind of move. Giant Swing! 3 Count won after hitting all of their moves. 3 Count are finally able to vanquish their foe. In a 3 on 1 handicap match. With Norman having taped ribs.
TO THE BACK. A door is shown with a large KEEP OUT sign. It's private, god damn it.
The Wall vs The Demon
Wall played some mind games to start the match by not coming out for his entrance and sneaking from behind when Demon went to look for him. This was billed as a special main event because of the deal that KISS made with WCW was that all Demon matches would be main events. They got around it by announcing Demon matches as special main events and I'm sure Gene was too busy counting his money to give a fuck. The ring is so goddamn loud. Like an ECW ring. Less creaky, but more wooden. Ugly and uninteresting match. Boring chants. All that shit. Wall gets spiked on his head taking a slam from the top. He recovers and hits a chokeslam for the win moments later.
TO THE MEAN GENE. Gene talks to Cat and says he hasn't found James Brown. Cat insists James Brown is in the building. Elsewhere, the Harris Brothers try to open the PRIVATE door to no avail. Elsewhere, Tank and Big Al get psyched up for their match.
Tank Abbot vs Big Al Skins Match
Skins match is a leather jacket on a pole match. Specifically, Tank's UFC jacket. Mark Madden breaks down why this match is so stupid: The angle is that Big Al thinks Tank is a sell out for joining pro wrestling. And to prove his point, Al also joins pro wrestling. They hold hands and are tied together with a belt. Some choice words screamed during this: "YOU AIN'T NOTHING!" "COME ON, BRING SOME MORE SHIT TO THE TABLE!" "PUSSAAAAYYYYYY." "FUCK YOU!" "YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Plus "fuck" about 30 more times. Al hits a cheap shot forearm to the face that appears to knock Tank out. Al stands on Tank's face, which just pisses him off. Judo throw! I like that Tank says BAM when he throws punches and always misses. Tank throws Al over his shoulders and tries to climb the ropes only to drop Al to the floor. Tank gets the jacket and wins. He then pulls a knife, holds it to Al's throat, and says "I can fucking kill you!" Tony tried to claim he had scissors and was about to trim his beard. Lol.
TO THE MEAN GENE. Gene talks with Harlem Heat. Big T has been watching Stevie's back from day one. Sure.
Booker vs Big T
Short and terrible. Another giant black guy debuted. Ahmed won with the Pearl River Plunge. To his credit, he actually was able to hit it mostly clean without falling or dropping Booker on his head. On the other hand, he looked PISSED that he actually had to work, and continued his trend of never being without a bottle of something to drink, as he came out with a bottle of water.
TO THE BACK. Gene talks with Maestro (OOH LA LA) and Ryan Shamrock. If James Brown actually shows up, Maestro says he will listen to any music Cat chooses. But if James Brown doesn't show, Cat becomes his slave. Elsewhere, the Harris Brothers have a dude to open the private door. They beat him up.
Kidman vs Vampiro
They have an even opening exchange, ending with a tilt a whirl backbreaker from Vamp. Head scissors takes Vamp to the floor. Gut wrench superplex from Vamp. Brainbuster. First powerbomb counter of the night. Some miscommunication ends with a dropkick to the knee of Kidman. Torrie gets bumped off the apron. Vamp threatened to hit her with a chair. Kidman drop kicked it into him. This is really sloppy. Fameasser. Almost a Pyscho Crusher from Vamp. DOUBLE powerbomb to Kidman. That's two powerbombs in a row. To Kidman. What the fuck. Kidman wins with a tornado reverse DDT from the top rope.
TO THE MEAN GENE. Terry Funk and Dustin Rhodes are with Mean Gene. Funk promises to kick Flair’s ass. Goldy always looks like he’s on the verge of tears. Sid busts out of his room and security tries to stop him, but he puts them in their place. David/Daffney/Crowbar are wheeling around on a stretcher in the back. The Mamalukes (PAISANS!) are going to fuck those nutty fucks up. JTB is going to break thumbs because they wouldn't let him eat his cheese sandwich. What? Vito uses Sicilian and Italian interchangeably, which proves to me he isn't Sicilian.
David Flair/Crowbar vs The Mamalukes WCW Tag Team Championships Sicilian Stretcher Match
"The Mamalukes think this it's a shoot, don't they?" Yep. Another sloppy, shitty brawl. The Mamalukes won and retained their titles. After the match, they put Daffney in a wheelchair and taped her tits while she screamed. It was really uncomfortable and I'm not going to gif it. They also shoved a sock in her mouth. "And you know what, I think she's kind of enjoying this." "WHAT?!?!" Madden actually points out that they're taping her breasts down and that women screaming usually means they're enjoying it.
TO THE BACK. The Harris Bros and JJ have a plan. Elsewhere, Gene gets a few words with Sid, who is wearing a small hat.
The Cat comes out. He's finally going to deliver on bringing JAMES BROWN himself out to the ring. But first, an imposter. The Maestro comes out and quickly deduces it is just a fat black man in a wig. Good eye, dawg. But then, miracle of miracles, a soul train starts and THE GODFATHER OF SOUL makes his way to ringside. Maestro passes out, then Cat and James dance for a while. How the fuck did WCW pull getting James Brown at this point in the game? Maybe he was signed to a Time Warner label?
TO THE MEAN GENE. Mean Gene asks Scott Hall about his match tonight. Scott Hall looks pissed and mentions being in time out because he can’t play well with others or get along with the bookers. This was his last night in WCW. Recap of the Flair/Funk feud. Ric Flair talks about how he doesn't like the hardcore stuff *Cut to Flair rolling on thumbtacks and bleeding every night on tour in his 60s* The rules are there will be a 10 count after any pin or submission. It could be 1 or 101 falls.
Ric Flair vs Terry Funk Texas Death Match
This angle was based on Mick Foley's book, where he said that Terry Funk was a better wrestler than Ric Flair. Flair thought that was bullshit because he didn't have to rely on hardcore garbage, which is hilarious considering how often Flair relied on bleeding and all the hardcore stuff he would go on to do in the 2000s. Plus Terry was 100% absolutely better than Ric Flair, in ring and out. If you only count Terry Funk post 1994, then maybe Flair would have a leg to stand on. Certainly not if you're talking 1970s-1980s. Lots of punches from Funk and chops from Flair. I don't know how I never noticed how obvious Flair was at when he was telling people to come after him. He does the big NOOOOO on his knees and then nods his head yes and waves his hands. He's been doing it since the 70s and I didn't notice until recently. Suplex on the floor. Another one. Two old saggy men suplexing each other on the floor. First fall goes to Funk. Flair gets a chair out and starts working over Funk's leg. He taps out to a figure four. Flair Flip all the way to the floor. Piledriver on the floor. Another one. A table is brought into the ring. Funk has a mic and is shit talking. His chest has been cut open from chops. Fucking dope piledriver through a table. A million times better than the one from 1989. Funk would go up for a moonsault on a table, only for Flair to knock him off the ropes and get to his feet first. WCW 2000 fans still hate Terry Funk.
TO THE BACK. WHO IS BEHIND THE DOOR?! Mean Gene gets a word with Jimmy Hart and Hulk Hogan. Hogan’s mustache got so much better around 1999ish. How to you keep a mustache like that trimmed? Seems like a lot of work to keep a handle bar of that size so even and awesome. Michael Buffer is of course in to announce Hulk Hogan. This is now the co-featured main event. But The Demon vs The Wall was the Special Main Event. Buffer isn't even doing ARE YOU READY or Let’s Get Ready to Rumble anymore. He’s only been around twice I think this year and the first time he said "Are we ready" and this time he said “Let’s bring em’ on.” Perhaps he was trying to diversify.
Hulk Hogan vs The Total Package
Shitty match. Hulk won via the leg drop and Sting made his return a full month after he was advertised to return.
TO THE BACK. Scott Hall tells the security guards to try the mini bar before he, Sid, and Jarrett head to the arena. Oh no, the door is open. It wasn't Sting, either.
Sid vs Scott Hall vs Jeff Jarrett WCW World Heavyweight Championship
Hall and Jeff start the match before Sid comes out. Buffer said Jeff was a 5 time world champion seconds after Tony said Jeff had never been a world champion. Tony also referred to Hall and Jeff as "those two kids". Copious interference from the Harris Brothers. Ref bump. Double chokeslam. Another ref bump. Another ref bump. Another ref bump. Slick Johnson was the only ref left and wouldn't count for Hall. He kind of had a fake ref bump I guess. Guitar shot to Hall. Roddy Piper strolled out and refused to let Slick make the pin. Another ref bump. Sid pins Hall after a powerbomb. Title retained. The powerbomb injured Hall, who would never return to WCW. But yes, this match had 5 refs, 4 ref bumps, 3 wrestlers, 2 run ins, 1 winner, and 0 stars.
This show sucked. Things are really about to go off the rails in the next few weeks.